Barefoot I walk upon broken glass;
the path I believed I would never choose.
A self-portrait of innocence lost;
truth is revealed beneath a turbulent light.
The path I believed I would never choose;
obscured by a veil of denial.
Truth is revealed beneath a turbulent light;
an apple rotting at the core.
Obscured by a veil of denial,
the mirror displays a silhouette of you.
An apple rotting at the core;
incapable of escaping destiny.
The mirror displays a silhouette of you;
a self-portrait of innocence lost.
Incapable of escaping destiny;
barefoot I walk upon broken glass.
Author notes
2nd Draft of an older poem of mine. Written in Pantoum form.
A contest entry
- Give me your absolute BEST! IMPRESS ME! by AlwaysbeBIG.
525 points, ended January 25, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Yea, I started seeing my mother in myself and at first it was hard to accept, but I have gotten to a point where, its not so bad. If I see something I don't like, I work on changing it and accept the things that I can't change, even if they remind me of her - its a good thing really, for me. As I've gotten older my relationship with my parents has evolved and we are closer than ever.
After that bit of nonsense, I liked this and its one I think we can all relate to. Its hard to come away from that path of destruction but it feels great to find our way to our own road. -
so cool
I know nothing of poetry forms and such, well cept for Haiku's and limmericks
lol
This reminds me that sometimes we have to do things for those we love that hurt us so deeply... yet we do them.
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I love to hear about different interpretations of my poetry. I generally don't tell the reader what my intentions were as I like to leave it open to interpretation. This is actually one of my favorite poems that I've written and it's more about following in the footsteps of your parents. For example a child might have a parent that's an alcoholic and they themselves (having grown up like that) would never believe that they too could become one. This poem of course deals with following a destructive path. The person looks in the mirror and sees their parent. Glad you enjoyed the poem. A great site to learn different poetry forms is www.shadowpoetry.com. I can't tell you how many of the different forms I've actually learned from that site but it's a lot.
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thanks for the link! I will go check it out.
now i totally see where you were coming from with following a destructive path.
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You did a wonderful job here. I love this form. You have managed to pull me into your thoughts with your well chosen words and have carefully pulled me along with each beautifully flowing line. Nicely done. Thank you for sharing and best wishes to you in all of your endeavors. Keep that pen handy and ever ready for use dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
well well well... a pantoum. :-) i love the form, have written a few myself.
you did a great job with it, i'm curious... did you enjoy it ? i find that sometimes when i can't write anything... this form jump-starts me again for some reason. maybe its just that once you get a decent line, you get to use it again...lol
nicely done,
~ Wendy
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I do love the way you have mastered this form. The visuals are so vividly done and you can feel the emotion emanating from the page. That veil of denial can be deadly for sure ;) Excellent piece!
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This was well written, in a very intriguing form. Nicely done
Thanks for entering, and good luck
Brandon
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