Daring our souls to emerge and stride
Are stirring stagnant thoughts inside.
What’s beyond this road, we ponder
Of beauty, trials, and dreams that wander.
Our futures urge to take a step
Though knowing our pasts we shan’t forget
As our passions burn with blazing zeal
We won’t succumb to failure’s feel.
So we shall stand and proceed to travel
And peer beyond this road to unravel
Our curiosities that dwell inside
That dare our souls to emerge and stride.
A contest entry
- Beyond This Road... Picture Inspired by Frodofan.
600 points, ended January 31, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any SPECIFIC things I can do to improve this poem?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Upbeat and adventurous. I like the feeling of setting out to travel as well as your rhymes and flow.
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This a gen'l comment. I really like your style- and it'great for your age. There a cerain freshness about it. Thankx for reading the poem of an old man.
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i like diz one i love your b g
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First of all thank you very much for commenting on my haiku. I really like this piece a lot...reminds me of the Robert Frost poem "the road less travelled" in its cadence and subject. Nicely done!
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Just running through once more before the final decision. Thanks again for entering.
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good description of the yearning everyone feels to go forward in life. I liked this piece. nice write
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the feel of failure - I understand this perfectly and it gives a different sense than the word "feeling" would - a more tactile sense. It's fine.
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I am an amateur, I have no idea what makes a poem a poem, I just like to write, I dont know what a stanza is, but i will learn. I appreciate your honesty, and your kindness very much. I just write stuff when I get the feeling. Public schools in my hometown didnt have any REAL literature of english classes, I wish they had though...or maybe they did and I was just not paying any attention....i think it was both. That last part was meant to be funny....she likes humor. Im not that funny though...maybe I should take it out of the poem? Please help if you care to. thanx muchly-martellis
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Pretty good. I liked the repetition from the beginning at the end. Balances the poem a little.
"curiosities"
^ Is that spelt right? It looks funny to me...
The rhyme of "feel" is a little weak, since it should probably be "feeling" but otherwise, I think it's good. Can't think of anything else to imrove on.
Thank you for entering. I think this fits the picture nicely.
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