My family has such strong beliefs
About meanings of dreams
If you're in it then it comes true
No matter what it seems.
If you see it like a movie
Playing just for you
Your mind just created it
There's nothing it can do.
How can I tell them what I saw?
I simply cannot bare
It was not a normal dream
It was a nightmare.
The air was filled with misery
Supernatural pain all around
Feel the screams of a thousand souls
Without ever hearing a sound.
A ritual went horribly wrong
Within a Japanese house
A shrine Maiden was so suddenly
Ripped away from her spouse.
Before her very eyes
Her lover was vicously killed
And behind the gates of Hell
She was meant to be sealed.
Yet since all her emotions
Were flowing past the brim
In the moment she was killed
Her spirit became grim.
Those who had sacrificed her
Met with a deadly fate
When her soul filled with rage
And she destroyed the gate.
Joining up with demons
Trapped within this place
She merged to make Calamity
Filled with such disgrace.
The reason I can't tell my dream
It simply cannot be
What woke me in a panic
Was that the girl...was me~
Author notes
I hope the meter isn't too screwed up when I read it it flows perfectly but I know not everyone reads them the same.
it's in a,b,c,b form and
INSPIRED BY FATAL FRAME
A contest entry
- TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 10 The Grand FINALE 5000+ Points! by cricketjeff.
5000 points, ended February 12, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Thank you for this poem in our final contest of the series. An interesting tale of what appears to be a dreadful nightmare. A few of the lines appear to be a little forced and the rhythm is also a slightly off, but none the less a good story.
Please join us in any future contests that we run, we would like to see more from you.
All the best
Sue and Jeff
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wOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd wake up in a cold sweat too after a dream like that!!! The rhyme worked well and the meter was a little off at first but I went back and read it again and it seemed to work better. I also read it out loud.The content was great and the imagery was amazing I felt like I was watching this through the screen of my mind a private showing, if you will. Thanks for sharing this with me tonight and here's to hoping that this dream does NOT come true!!!!lol...~~Toni~~ -
very scary, interesting and somewhat shocking ending!
you got off track to tell the story of the dream to explain why it could not be told, but you still came back to why you couldn't speak of it. it had a nice flow, short like stanzas, you have to kinda read it in a beat in your head for the ryhme to work out, but most of the ryhme flowed very well. there was only one misspelling that i saw, that threw me off a bit and that was one of the stanzas says sense instead of since. I don't think you meant to put that, or if you care to change, just thought you should know because it did kinda interupt this great poem!
it was a very scary dream, and if this actually happened im really sorry. its also hard to keep things in like this, if you feel you really cant share it, but its nice to get it out on paper in a poem isn't it? i dunno, but it helps me most of the time! very realistic! great job on this piece!
~Madison~
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Thanks
I changed it thanks for letting me know, those two always confuse me :/
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Captured in each line
Is a heart wrapped in twine . . .
Nice write, scary as I have dreams that come true. You did wonderful! Best to you in the contest!--Kel
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Darkly good.
Stare not at my face beside these lines,
Your words gave me some troubled times.
My fate's in balance or so it seems
If you should see me in your dreams.
Nice poem, well done and good luck too.
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Fantastic!
Thats like all I need to say..
Wonderful poem
interesting content
fabulous rhyme!!
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Interesting poem. I thought that the story was told well. However, some of the lines appear to be forced to meet the meter.
Example:Was that the girl...was me
The twin appearances of was in the line make it sound stilted.
There are a few more lines that disrupted the flow of the poem for me. If you go back and read it line by line, you may see what I am talking about. -
I think it flows perfectly! What an awesome poem. I was like on the edge of my seat reading it!
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wow, well done.
i loved the story
check me out
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I liked this. The flow was very good, and so was the form. Great job!
I liked the story, and what you had to say, kept my eyes on the page -- Amazing!
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Well the form is fine, but I didn't think the content was all that stunning. As you said, this is based off of "Fatal Frame." I'm not familiar with this work, but the theme felt very overdone and a bit stale in places. The title also didn't seem to work for me, it felt forced into the flow of the poem. Some of your diction is awkward as well, a shrine Maiden was so suddenly ripped...Yet sense all her emotions." Not a bad poem, but not very original or memorable either.
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Fatal Frame...
Fatal Frame is a survival horror game. I renamed it now (like I said it was a working title...I had to think of something.)
The women who were murdered in the story (on the game) were called Shrine Maidens also, but thanks for your input.
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