Graciousness
grant me time
that I may move on
to find that
which begs to be grabbed,
plucked into my fingers.
Shall I be forever damned
for one moment's folly;
for seeking the truth
am I truely cursed
to live e'er more
and to repeat
the same mistake?
Does the wave not
Give way to shore?
Do hearts not crush for love?
So too should life
give way for death.
Still, given chance once more
I'd do the same.
Ignorant bliss is
blissful oblivion.
If I'm to live
I'll live in the light.
Author notes
http://mistabobby.deviantart.com/art/Original-Sin-7036859 is the prompt for this contest piece. Just barely under 25 lines >.> this is the second draft, I might touch it up once more before judging occurs.
A contest entry
- Big Points, Big Expectations by Friday.
4500 points, ended February 4, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give a critical critique
Comments
-
"truely" does not have an "E" ('truly').
I think the first stanza was well thought out. The seconds seemed like you wanted to fit too much in. As a suggestion, I try not to ask questions directly in poetry (unless it's part of a form). Try posing the question without having to ask it, if that makes sense. But this was a lovely take on your choice of prompt. Thank you. -
Very stark - the wording towards end seems more rushed than the start but it seems very well chopped and nicely structured. However - the flow has off puts and on puts through out. I would suggest more length in lines and some more spacing through out.
Thanks for entering,
Adding your comment:
