I felt-
when the apricot of painted faces,
seduced my world with eighteen year old words,
peeled layers of injustice from my skin
with the blunt blade of mellowed manifestos
and misplaced promises,
that hope was as meager as the strain of street voices
clamouring above campaign charades
and the ton-tongued weight of "vote" and "change"...
echoing across the cavity.
I felt-
the life flow of colourless tears on age-old mothered cheeks
seep into an ocean of unconfined indecision,
the irony of bullet wedged hearts and "too expensive guns"
slums, with pockets as deep as poverty itself
sewn to crust
and then,
when
the bud green of 'difference' laminated
our breath,
took to the air with a familiar tone,
I held tense and silent
a dream
behind my back-
But
now a year,
a year has passed
and still
we walk naked.
Author notes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jamaica_Labour_Party
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/People%27s_National_Party
A contest entry
- naked by le soir.
675 points, ended March 13, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this is very surreal,i like the the unusual images conjoured up in my mind from reading this,like a futuristic feel.
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Exquisite.
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Yuh know, I've never been a fan of either. My immediate family supports PNP, but friends are mostly labourites (not to mention that Bruce Golding's daughter is a good friend of mine from 1st form lol).
To the piece itself - I say you've voiced it well. The imagery is fresh, and the emotion very prominent. I'm not sure if many here will be able to appreciate the belly of this piece as we do, but based on the comments so far I may be wrong.
The one thing I want to point out is the comma at the end of line 2. 'painted faces' runs straight into 'seduced' without need for a grammatical pause so it's not required.
On the other hand, I also want to point out a phrase that really hit me (in a good way) - "the ton-tongued weight".
That is very skilled wordplay! Just brilliant!
Thanks for sharing this, and best wishes in the contest.
Stacy
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This is an excellent piece.
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Yes, I see your muse has returned...very powerful, sad and so very well thought out.....sigh...I do love the choice of words that you use. Excellent!
Shaz xx
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This is great poetry, truly excellent. I loved the way you've addressed political and societal issues here, but also how you've added a personal touch to it and the effect it has on the peoples of the land. Of course, living in SA and it's history, I can very much relate to the sentiments and thoughts expressed here. I especially liked the latter part of the poem - in contest and presentation. Well done and a very creative take on the contest theme.
~ Nicolette
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Excellent
The reader is reminded of an English adage " there are none so green as cabbage looking" Within the write the poet reveals feeling green and herein green is for novice and for the Labour party,ring the Liberty Bell and lets have liberty but take no liberties with it.
Especially liked the usage of ton-tongued and the apricot faces of the opposition.Good usage of alliteration and internal rhyme with guns/slums and the phraseology of " with pockets deeper than poverty itself" This societal/political insight is well written,the reader journeys through promises made and broken by politicions and felt the weight of the ton-tongue they were delivered with,am afraid all politicions seem to do the same,mouth the watering of their manifesto's to grow good in a garden voted for and when in office the reality is the watering is reduced to a mere trickle whilst they tend their own gardens that flourish and flower abundantly.Show me a poor politicion in office,show me one with PTSD,we are all as green as cabbage looking when led to believe one thing and another is seen to be done.We walk naked indeed.
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