at lunch they explained to Faith
about grandma’s crossing
how what remained was scattered at sea
she asked to go there wearing the wilted red hat
to show off grandma’s favorite
A contest entry
- In loving memory of.............. by my1lovewearsdiapers.
350 points, ended January 25, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Ecellent! raptourous!
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Thank you kindly.
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I am not sure whether this really does express a great deal more than it says, or whether we just imagine that it does. I like it in general, but is it just unfinished.
But there is something really nice about the expression. Simple and honest! -
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Thank you, Westley. Yes, there is a double meaning here, especially in the last line.
I appreciate your comments and applause.
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You say a lot in a few words. you paint a very vivid picture. Great work!
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Thank you for your comments and applause.
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Wow, this is outstanding. It is goregous, and you show great meaning. How your memories have agreed to the audience, and sent a spin all around. This is full of light, sad but sweet. She would very much appreciate such a dedication for the world to read.
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Thank you. You are very kind.
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This poem is very well written. I really like the imagery you put in here, and the hat is a very nice touch.
Is the gap between "remained" and "was" on the third line intentional? If so, the poem is great!
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Thank you, Azhar4. Yes, the gap was intentional to create a solemn sort of pause.
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I agree. "That hat" sounds too much like a Cat in the Hat line. LOL!
Thank you so much for the feedback, and for the applause. I appreciate it very much. -
the only word I'd change is 'that'
how about 'her'...
or something. lol. I loved this. Longer? naw.
Sometimes more is said this way.
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Faith
I like this poem. But I wish it was a little longer. It would have been a little better. Put more details in! -
awww, the hat was a lovely touch, lovely feel for the moment,
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Thank you Titus.
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