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Savannah Sky

Missing image

 

 

Savannah Sky

 

 

The pride of lions on the hunt

Beneath the hot and arid sun,

A zebra foal will bear the brunt;

The chase begun.

 

Across the dry and dusty plain

Grazing unaware of danger,

The first link in the killing chain;

Unknown stranger.

 

The weakest of the herd will die

To feed the ever hungry pack,

With death beneath Savannah sky;

Instant attack.

 

They take their ease beneath the tree,

The waning sun now takes its rest,

There wrapped in gold for all to see

Is nature's best.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

This piece of jewellery is called 'Serengeti Gold'
http://www.shoppalstores.com/collings_handcr/index.cfm/fa/search.results


In Sapphic form, 4 line stanzas, syllable count of 8,8,8,4 rhymed abab

This is my first attempt at a sapphic ode.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Nickelspring gold member
    August 21

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    Nature's best. This was enjoyable!
    K


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    May 23, 2008

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    Great form! And I love what you saw in that picture... very captivating Sue.. congrats on the bronze

  • ecrivain01
    May 22, 2008

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    I like your revised line ...

    much better than the one micol quoted. I am rather fond of Africa, and even have a website called Voices For Africa, against genocide.

    Anyway, good job and thanks for entering.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    February 2, 2008

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    Beautiful imagery, big improvement to the line Micol highlighted, and perfect use of perhaps my favourite form. (Well except limericks!). The "tree" in the middle of the stone is the ideal place for your pride to plan their day's activity and your verses are the place to carry them out. Great work Sue.


  • micol
    February 1, 2008

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    The poem responds perfectly to the image chosen. Except for one awkwardly inverted line ("A zebra foal they will confront"), each stanza moves logically and fluidly, at the same time coupling unexpected but appropriate scenes of violence and death with the rather neutral colors and forms in the stone. Even in beauty there is death--a theme suggested by the opening two lines. Nicely handled throughout, especially the choice of form for this content.

  • Judith Chandler
    January 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Sapphic ode - nice and new to me.

    Nice take on the prompt.


  • owlishhunter
    January 23, 2008

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    As I have never heard of this form, I can be of no real use, but what I can tell you is that this piece is pleasing to the eye. Nice imagery and flow...all in all, I'd say well done!

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    January 22, 2008

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    The title is a beautiful introduction to a well written rhythmic format, it sets the scene and the poem completes it. Imagery has clarity. The scenario is played out in an unemotional, matter of fact voice, reminded the reader of the delivery of a narrator reporting on one of those wonderful nature programmes where the viewer is sitting comfortably in awe at the cavalier nature of the hunting instinct within the animal kingdom.


  • Flames-of-Furey
    January 22, 2008

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    'The waning sun now takes its rest

    There wrapped in gold for all to see

    Is nature's best'

    I really like your descriptions of nature and the elements. your metaphorical language is captivating. and how you have captured a little bit of epicurian interest and the humidity of the climate. well written.

    I would be interested to see you paint an image in this style of the ocean and the life that goes on like you have done here but with a more tranquil setting. if you ever have time to undertake such a challenge message me and I would be happy to read it

    from Lorcan


  • Gods-Artgal
    January 22, 2008

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    This is a great poem. How did you come up with this poem? I have been wanting to write a poem like this since I was little. What picture did you have in your mind when you wrote this poem?


  • Amera gold member
    January 22, 2008

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    "Serengeti Gold" I learned something! It is as beautiful as the poem. The rhyme and meter is a pure delight to read. Filled with vivid imagery, you have created a masterpiece.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • arafura gold member
    January 21, 2008

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    A lovely piece of jewellery... a jewel of a poem! The Serengeti always reminds me so much of parts of my own country! This is wonderful my friend! Good luck in the contest!


  • mommyof2
    January 20, 2008

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    Lovely stone you have chosen for inspiration. The images and story told were so fitting. Loved the form as well. Best of luck.


  • Thunder Child
    January 20, 2008
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    its good


  • UnchartedPoet
    January 20, 2008

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    Beautifully fitting. A wonderful piece penned to express what nature must do to survive. Such beauty with what we all know animals have to do to live, as we to also do. Well done, great write and best of luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing your work.

    Jen


  • Lily of the Valley
    January 20, 2008

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    Lovely images created here of the African plains. Nature may seem cruel but all animals have to kill to live and this poem expresses this so well. Africa is an amazing place for nautural beauty and it was really nice to read something about it on this site. Good luck in the contest


  • Haunted-Memory silver member
    January 20, 2008

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    Excellent

    This is excellent I cannot pretend to understand the formate nor even try to as i would get lost and confused. However the poem itself is brilliant and the form cannot take away from that. Nature in its natrual way of the food chain. All the best Brian.


  • Titus gold member
    January 20, 2008
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    There is avapour in this that exhibitions the safari, and a lovely read it was. Titus

  • cricketjeff gold member
    January 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem for a really, really beautiful jewel. Very good to see you trying some other forms. I love your usual couplets and triplets, this just adds another string to your bow, well done Sue.
    The final stanza, describing the end of the story in your poem and the stone itself is wonderful.

1 - 19 of 19