there is sad whiteness
snowy days turn
the calendar page
of our love
and our skin
doesn’t suffice
for melting distance
but there are also
white days in my head
when the season of you
lingers
empty like a bottle
as we reach
further
into each other
Author notes
January 20, 2008
Thanks a lot Sean for your help with this poem.
In a list
A contest entry
- naked by le soir.
675 points, ended March 13, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where the mind drifts by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended February 11, 2008, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my prewrites by leander.
650 points, ended February 21, 2008, 108 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Intimacy by RunningFree.
525 points, ended May 6, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
what words can do!
Striking poem with just some little amount of words the right intention! Skillful how you could do this so quick. It touched me!
-
cutting
when the season of you
lingers
empty like a bottle
-
i adore this
silver trophy? who walked away with the gold?
-
-
Thanks a lot for your comments
-
-
You say so much with so few words. The metaphor present in the poetry you write is simply elegant. The last lines made me smile. Thank you for entering this into my contest.
-
a short very moving piece,. thanks for sharing it,best wishes
-
I love your use of white in this. Beautifully written. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
-
beautifully writen, so simple yet meaningfull congrats on the cup
-
Oh, how wonderfully you took a overused (almost abused) and cliché topic and skilfully wrote something completely out of the box.
Good imagery, yet perfect use of simple words
Thank you for entering the contest!
Leander -
Very nice flow and use of imagery. Thank you for entering my contest.
-
This is absolutely beautiful.
-
Soft, yet sad essence of poetical interpretation of longing. Nice, very nice done.
~Sonja~
-
While this is a very beautiful poem, I think you have went over the word limit, Perhaps just entering the first half. it is strong enough on its own
"and our skin
doesn’t suffice
for melting distance"
-
-
Oh, I hadn't realized there was a word limit. Thanks.
-
-
awesome
I have to give you my standing ovation for this write.Your words are softly spoken and filled with love.You have allowed the reader to see and feel within your written words.I have enjoyed this read very much.Thank you so much for sharing such beautiful thoughts with us.
Take care,
~Whispers~
-
"reaching further into each other" is such a beautiful motion.
-
the title is really good. I love this poem, so beautiful, soft and reminiscent..
-
Words fail me.
-
what a beautiful entry...
I wish you all the best
in the contest. Love, lane
-
This is lovely poetry. Almost like two sides of the coin... the nakedness of emptiness and then of course those days when we empty ourselves into another (the loved one - which is of course a deeper sense of nakedness). I like how you've applied white as metaphor and to create these visuals and emotions. I can't think that naked can ever be without emotion. The last lines closes this poem on a soft note - which I liked!! I could feel both versions...a great poem.
~ Nicolette
-
-
Thank you so much, Nicolette. "I can't think that naked can ever be without emotion." - I feel the same, and definitely hope you are right
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
