my soul has broken down because of you
my power to speak has withered
u ripped my life into two
i had trusted you
u hurt me in a way i didn't think possible
u wore me down
u broke my heart
u yelled and screamed
as i cried on the floor
i just took more
my words were gone
i was controlled by u
u made me feel like nothing
i couldnt do anything right according to u
i wasn't more than a fly on the wall
a footprint on the floor
i go through life un-noticed
as u have always said to me
i dont mean anything to you
you say I wish I had died,
but I'm dead, dead as anyone could be.
i will leave u for ever
not to turn back without a glance
if i had the chance i would tell u these things
the way u make me feel
but unfortunately u have taken my power to speak my mind
to open up to anyone
and for that u will pay by my hand
to suffer the consquences
inspired by my mother:who broke my heart and soul into two!!
Author notes
umm this poem is inspired by mom..... i love her... but it just hard to .... i feel hurt when she acts that way toward me
A contest entry
- ~~~Demons~~~ by anguish.
395 points, ended July 25, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me feel your pain by Fallen Hard.
335 points, ended August 3, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Comfort Zone (Talk About Your Problems) by Hovels 2.
624 points, ended August 19, 2008, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teens & Young Adults by DAMSELx.
300 points, ended August 30, 2008, 101 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hope is But a Lost Dream by Lost Vampyre Angel.
600 points, ended September 15, 2008, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
how do u like it?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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u should be you because I really dislike chat speak. aka u,kwl ect its not english.
u say u wish i died
but i am dead , dead to as could be
That phrase is very..awkward and disturbs the flow it would sound better if you wrote it like:
you say I wish I had died,
but I'm dead, dead as anyone could be.
also for ever should be forever it is one word
overall good poem
all my love
kitty xxx
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So, this is my second comment and this comment will be about the poem, itself. I promise that I will make this shorter.
POINTS FOR THE FOLLOWING
- Even though, this poem doesn't rhyme, it flows well together. So, points for your wording.
- I didn't even have to read the description to know that this is about one’s relationship with their parents. So, I’ll give you points for being able to convey that in so many words.
- Points for following the rules of the contest.
- Points for really conveying how it affects a child, when a parent does this to them.
- Points for showing great thought and emotion. -
For Comfort Zone Contest.
I wonder why some people have kids, if they will only treat them like your mother did you. It just doesn't make sense. Have they always been like that or did they change into that, over the years? It's sad. No one should have a relationship like that with their parents. Your home and your parents are the one thing that should be right in this “unright” world and when it's not, that's just sad.
Any ways, I know how you feel. My mom is the same way. She is neglectful, verbally abusive, and on rare occasions, physically abusive. If you still live with her and you truly feel endanger, you can always get emancipated. Which is divorcing yourself from your parents. Or you can get social services involved.
If you don't want things to get that serious, I say stay over your friends' house as much as possible or try to go somewhere else to get away from that negative surrounding as much as possible. Even if it’s just locking yourself in your room and writing. Do whatever you have to do to get away from it, but don’t let her drag you down. You are better than that. Don't put yourself in worse situations because of the BS she tell you.
If you are not 18, when you do turn 18 or when you're old enough, you should live on your own. Just move out. Maybe go to college or something. Maybe with a few years of being separated from your mom, you can both come to terms and actually talk about what happened with your relationship. If you can talk to her now, that would be great too.
My main advice to you is get away from that. She is just dragging you down and you don't deserve that. Get away from it and go somewhere that is good for you. NOT WORSE OR EQUALLY AS BAD! But, if you can talk to her, try that too.
Good luck! -
wow
So much pain, you made me see n feel the hurt that u r going through! -
I hear you and wonder
Whenyou were a child were you happy do you find pictures in the photo album with you smiling with joy .
As you grew older is the smile still there .Look within the album and find the day your smile stopped .
Look upon that time and ask yourself who really changed was it you or your mom . In being a parent so often they have to say no or try to keep you from doing things you so want to do for your own safety .In the teen years we start fighting back thinking we know what we are doing and we go against all the rules . This causes such stress in the homes for the parents and the children . When did the happiness end was it after you started having more friends or you wanted to dress like the frinds you chose to fit in the group. Oh if your mother has never abused you then she isnt being mean to you she is just trying to save you from the world you are entering into a world that she knows what can happen and she cries from within .She doesnt let you see it for maybe she feels if you did you would feel you have won . Oh honey if your mother was good to you and loved you she still loves you very much dont let that love slip away for one day she wont be here anylonger and by then when you look into the mirror you will see her there for she is a part of you . And one day you will hear yourself talking to your children and if you walk away from her without showing love so shall your children in time . Take the time to tell her Mom I want to talk to you without yelling or fighting lets just sit down and talk calmly and so we can be friends and love one another again like we use to .
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Very sad
You viewed one of my poems so now I'm checking out some of your poems and so far I'm impressed. I'm gathering from your write that you and your mom don't get along, that's rather sad to hear if that's the case. A painfully sad write. Maybe you could check out more of mine and a comment or two would be nice. Will check more of yours later as have to work now. -
Excellent
This a haunting write that touched me to my very core. I don't think I could have written of something this emotionally painful to me as well as you have. Excellent write. Well done, indeed.
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ty u for commenting on my poem!
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There is a movie called Speak and in the beginning of this poem, I thought you were talking about rape because that's what the movie is about. However, knowing a little about you through our conversations, I know you were talking about your mother. Even before, I reached the ending. Also, after the fourth verse, I knew any ways.
Great poem. So sad but it's good that it's being let out and known.
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wow, nice rite, but no one can take away your power to speak your mind, you just have to find it deep inside yourself and I hope you do, don't let her words get to you you seem like a wonderful person
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this was truly sad almost depressing i fell so bad for you ad the word sorrow canot explane how i fell you did a wonderful ob n this and i loved it but still im sorry -bows-
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stunning
this write is very powerful.. .. nice.
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I really like this poem. MY advice to you to make this poem better would be to maybe put even more feeling and emotion in it, really make me feel how you feel, let me see exactly what is going on, make it sound more like a story being told through poetry.
Great Write
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I thought it was touching and emotional, your a true artist
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this is a great poem, your emotions are strong in your words and that makes the poem more powerful.
i'll have to check out more of your poems when i get the chance great job!
~Kaela~
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