waves, crashing neath clouds
rocky shore, weather beaten
mother nature's course
Joyce Le Lievre
(sunny day)
© Joyce A. Le Lievre, All Rights Reserved
January 19, 2008
Author notes
Picture courtesy of contest: © Robert Peters
Haiku
A short form poetry that was popular in Japan and now the world over. It consists of seventeen syllables in 3 lines, usually 5-7-5 for the traditional haiku. You may keep it to less than 17, but never more and you may also use a different syllable count per line as long as it adds up. Most haikus were nature based.
In a list
A contest entry
- Allpoetry Haiku Championship Contest by misticmoonlite.
600 points, ended January 22, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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EVER SO TRUE!!!!
It is natures way to begin new beauty and then destroy it in her awesome ways.
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Kevin, Thank you very much for the applauses and your lovely words of praise. I do know how attuned with nature that you are. I'm very happy that this one spoke to you. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce
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This does everything a good haiku should do as it paintd a beautiful vivid image of nature. Well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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Amera, Thank you very much for the applauses and your astute observation that were a part of your lovely words of praise. I had to stand my ground on this one when it was critiqued by haikumonk. I knew it wouldn't win, but that didn't matter to me because I knew it was a proper haiku. Thank you again. Love you my friend, Joyce
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OH this is nice, love the them that depicts the waves of the ocean, look forward to see the revised verse, thank you for this entry, will check back later... good luck..
MM
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Sis, Thank you for hosting and for the lovely words of praise you gave me to go along with the applauses. You may read my reply to Don below here. I am comfortable with what I wrote and feel I followed the rules of a haiku with this piece. Thank you for the best wishes also. I'm very happy that you enjoyed it. Love and hugs from your sis, Joyce
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Thanks for entering our "critiquing" haiku contest. It's appreciated. Please read the two columns posted with the contest. There are links to these columns and they have immense information about haiku that is historically and tecnically correct.
Ok... haiku generally do not use punctuation such as commas within the lines though it has been seen. If the haiku is properly concise, the don't need them and it makes it easier to read in "a single breath". That "single breath" reading is a long, long tradition. Next, all three lines read as "poetic statements" and do not really work together in the haiku fashion quite yet. Either L1 and L2 need to work together while L3 stands alone.... or L1 stands alone while L2 and 3 work together. This doesn't have that crucial effect quite yet.
Example:
two chopsticks
in your nose -
sneeze!
Though it isn't a great haiku, of course, it does exemplify the two line/one line principle as well as the juxtaposition that haiku are so famous for. Please take a second and work on a revision to reflect some of these thoughts. Post it below your original and entitle it "revision" for judges to easily pick up on.
thanks for entering.
Don -
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Don, Thank you for hosting and for your honest opinion on this haiku. You say generally no puncuation, though it is allowed. I also went and looked at your two columns and found this.
TWO ELEMENTS:
There are two main elements in haiku composition. One is presenting a condition or situation; the other is surfacing a sudden perception or enlightenment.
This understanding is extremely important in writing quality haiku. These gems are not just any subject do as you please style poems. They have structure.... understanding..... they're a craft!
I believe I did present the composition in lines 1 and 2 then finished it off with the sudden perception in the third line. Honestly I am comfortable with what I have written and I don't see myself changing this one. Again I thank you as I got to write about the sea from the picture you used as a prompt. Love and God bless, Joyce
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wonderfull haiku Joyce
shares with you a nana
good luck in the contest
xxx cheeky xxx
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Judie, Thank you for the lovely words of praise to me as always and for sharing those nannas with me also. You always bring a smile to me. Thank you for the good luck wishes also. I'm very happy that you enjoyed the haiku. Love you my friend, Joyce
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OOOOH how you make me miss the shore, I so love it when it is like this, thank you for taking me there through your wonderful Haiku...
Love and Light
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Shey, Thank you for your lovely words of praise to me as always. There is nothing like the Atlantic Ocean on a summer's day and it's neat during storms too. LOL I'm very happy that you enjoyed this haiku. They are fun to write. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce
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mother nature is a beautiful thing and your words just painted a lovely picture of it, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
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Aaron, Thank you for the lovely words of praise you gave to me as always. I'm very happy that you enjoyed this one and thank you for the best wishes also. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce
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