If you saw them on the street,
You'd think they'll be ok.
Just another happy lot,
Who'd live another day.
(Look into Her eyes.)
But if you saw what I could see,
You'd know that you were wrong.
You'd see a fire burning hot;
It's been there all along.
(Why wont you look?)
Their child sitting in the dark
Saw the truth unfold.
He saw the murder in Her eyes;
He heard Her rage be told.
(It just might be too late.)
Too late to know what can't be stopped,
He saw the fire too.
And as she lunged he struck her back,
Both blows had landed true.
(Why did you wait?)
The little boy now sits alone;
The memory never leaves.
We look and ask what made her crazed;
Another damn Lie.
Author notes
what happens when a relationship is fueled with lies?
prompt: my eyes speak truths unuttered
(I know that in the poem I used 'Her' eyes... but I hope it is still ok.
A contest entry
- Invite Only :: Round One by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended January 24, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Wow I really enjoyed reading this<3 amazing flow and great emotion
I felt this piece all the way you're a great writter and thanks for sharing and god bless and much love
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All I can say is that this was a good read!
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9pts...
Thank you for this wonderful contribution to The Poetic Bandits reading list
~Lilac
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The eyes are said to be the eyes of the soul. I think all truths a re hidden in the eyes somewhere if we just took the time and effort to see. It's all there, love, hate, pain, everything. great work.
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You never know about people and you can't judge books by their covers. What can seem like a happy couple is nothing more than a nightmare.
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I really liked this poem... it is written well... I loved the parentheses... my favorite part about this poem would probably have to be where 'both blows had landed true'... it just shoots imagery into my head and although this is a sad piece - I really enjoyed reading it
Keep writing
Polly -
Wow!
I loved it!
I loved it!
Amazing,
and it reminded me of people that fake who they are,
or maybe pretend to be always happy etc when they are really dying inside and wishing that someone would just reach out and when someone DOES reach out it is way too late because that person has put up walls and nobody can take them down( i described myself..at least how I once was). bUt that reminded of me that.
Nice.
..Simply Me♥ -
Good story
I like the way this plot unfolds ~ good pace, good flow and except for the punch-line at the end, good rhyming, too.
Well done! Nicely penned.
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Title: 7
Grammar/Punctuation: 9
Spelling: 10
Relativity To Prompt: 8
Creativity: 8
Enjoyable: 8
Makes Sense: 10
Vocabulary: 8
Appropriate Length: 5
Appropriate Line Breaks: 5
Form (If Any) Followed: 5
Effective Start/Ending: 5
Total (out of 100): 88
Nicely written. Very emotive. People don't often see because they are afraid of what they'll see. -
I thought this told a good story. As the reader I was intrigued to read more. Keep Writing
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From the mouth of hell, The Lie. it is so hard to shake off, your poem is very moving and has the ring of truth, well done
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When a relationship dies it is catastrophic, and things get cold and impersonal so using "Her" is spot on.
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Very truthful! I love
how you've structured this.
It's compelling and leads
the reader to continue to
the bitter end. Very sad
but riveting and moving.
Keep penning
and thanks for sharing with us
~The Inc."
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One or two misspellings Too late and can't. But besides that it flew off the tounge. Love the use of her eyes as a metaphor for window of truth. A great story you told and you deserve every happy face applause
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"their child sitting in the dark saw the truth unfold" nice line Nice suspense nice tone
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