first date.

I haven't done this since I was thirteen years old.
I was younger then, shorter, my mannerisms bold.
But I am so much taller now, and thinner and frightened,
My stunning social awkwardness, like my head-height, has heightened.
To wondrous new levels of fear, self-loathing, things like that;
"Made exclusively of sharp angles with the face of a dead cat".
But somehow I find myself here, standing in the rain,
Waiting for the chance to humiliate myself again.

We went walking, smoking through the traffic and the people and the lights.
I wish I'd planned something, but I do love these October nights.
She told me about her life, I gave the nicer bits of mine.
Everything went well. I feel, surprisingly, fine...

Four long hours later and it's suddenly come back
Why I'm not supposed to do that, all these instincts that i lack.
I'm sitting in my bedroom with a fucking massive gin.
Writing down an oath never to do that shit again.
Things all went so wrong but I'd hoped they'd all go right.
Because when I said "went well", I really meant " went shite".