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Stone cold



Within your stone I see a scene
A winter forest dowsed in snow
The conifers all white and clean
Red deer below

A stalking wolf I think is there
Resplendent in his winter white
He searches for a kill to share
This darkest night

A woodman's hut between the trees
A fire that keeps the night at bay
Inside a family must squeeze
Until the day

Around the hut the wolf may prowl
Drawn by the scent of winter stores
The woodman hears a screeching owl
Beyond the doors

A sound, my gaze is drawn aside
My stone wrought dream is now no more
Back to the present I must ride
Life as before

Your lovely jewel lies in my hand
A magic charm wrapped up in gold
I smile as I now understand
It is not cold

Author notes

What I see in this beautiful jewel by Micol

And yes I know it doesn't look like gold I'm imagining it is white gold for reasons of poetic possibility!

In Sapphic form, 4 line stanzas, syllable count of 8,8,8,4 rhymed abab

In a list

A contest entry

Please comment below. Spelling or rhyming or scanning corrections welcome.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • micol gold member
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    The choice of form seems highly appropriate for this poem; the short final lines of each stanza are used precisely and effectively to give each a parting punch, a moment of emphasis. And in each case, the image provided is a strong as those in the previous longer lines. The narrative draws us farther and farther into the stone...until the fifth stanza suddenly reminds us that we are within an artifact (the poem) and considering an artifact (the stone) and returns us to a moment of dialogue between one artist (the poem) and another (the wire-artist). Very well handled.


  • mommyof2
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    Loved the imagery, rhythm and rhyme. The story inspired from this beautiful stone was much enjoyed.
    Now, I think I'll go back and see if I can find the wolf within the stone. Well done.


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    I also saw the wolf and the cabin and the entire scene that you have planted within my mind.
    The stone is indeed beautiful as are all the pieces in the collection.

    All the best to you in the contest...Sue


  • Gwenevere
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, you saw a wolf too.I saw a wolf in sheeps clothing, eady to pounce.I loved your poem and the rhyming was excellent.I am so pleased that you encourage rhymne in this world of free verse.By the way, your poem was just as beautiful as the picture.A work of art, Ros

    . Rewarded 6


    • cricketjeff gold member
      January 20
      Edit | Reply
      Yes the first thing I saw was the wolf, and I will accept the compliment with grace and a grin, thank-you. And keep rhyming!!!!
  • mmook
    January 20
    Edit | Reply
    well done .. great imagery and flow ... beautiful thanks for sharing


  • Mistywater
    January 20
    Edit | Reply

    good

    it felt like a story and dream

    • cricketjeff gold member
      January 20
      Edit | Reply
      Thank-you for the kind words, did you look at hte jewel it is based upon in the author's notes? It is much more beautiful than my poem!
1 - 8 of 8