I appeal with crystal words
confounded by your mental maze
yielding only anger and silence.
A wisp of hope waits on
a wrinkle in your pristine brow.
Can you hear the clock of my heart?
Your harsh glances shatter me;
I cannot train my unruly heart.
Mourning doves croon a lullaby in the
distance and your eyes blaze with
memories of things that never were.
Fire fades from your violet eyes,
only smoke rising from the embers.
I fear you will remain like this forever
and I will remain beside you, falling.
Author notes
15 lines with the 15 words in order!
A contest entry
- A Degree of Difficulty by Dalaney.
700 points, ended February 1, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter your favorite poem that has no trophies by whispernthedark.
490 points, ended April 5, 2008, 52 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme your greenies by crazymomma.
300 points, ended August 11, 2008, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
all comments would be greatly appreciated
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This is so touching. Very nice imagery. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Your fourth stanza touches me. Thank you for sharing your favorite with me, best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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This really tugged at my heart...drew me in. What a sad message in this very good write.
There are so many good word pictures in this that I would have to copy the whole poem here to share them!
I find these lines really evoke sadness:
"Fire fades from your violet eyes,
only smoke rising from the embers.
I fear you will remain like this forever
and I will remain beside you, falling."
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You are a beautiful writer. This is just lovely. Love, Lane
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This is a lovely poem, written to a prompt word bank, which must be one of the most difficult ways to write!
I like particularly /memory of things that never were/ and /I will remain beside you, falling/ and the image of the clock of my heart, keeping the time of love, keeping track of the escaping seconds of love.
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Congratulations on meeting the challenge of this contest... amazing work, truly. Lovely poem!
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well done
nicely written for the prompt . . liked " I cannot train my unruly heart" and "memories of things that never were" . . good title as well . .
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I cannot train my unruly heart.
Mourning doves croon a lullaby in the
distance and your eyes blaze with
memories of things that never were.
Betty I enjoyed reading this piece love...love can be quite painful. You have captured this to a T.
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Thank you, Jamila.
I appreciate your very kind comments.
Thanks for reading.
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you are most welcome hun
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Well done. The words flow naturally into a monologue defining speaker, circumstance, and lover. All without coming out and defining any of them. Nice.
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Thanks, Micol.
Thank you for reading and for your encouraging comments. Much appreciated.
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Great take on the prompt with the provided word. Best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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Thank you, Whispernthedark!
I appreciate your comments and well wishes.
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