regret and resentment
no less obvious than the
nicks and cuts across
the knuckles of my right hand.
so i will hammer this thing out quickly;
dearest c, it remains to be
seen if there is anything that can
force my
cast iron lump cobbled together with
duct tape and slowly splitting twine
to accept your warm honey
(that i feel submerged in, trapped
and slowly spinning in thick amber)
they will find me under a sheet of glass
in a natural science museum.
i'd like to think you are smothering me
with the best of intentions.
it will end with someone leaking hot
salt water onto
another's cotton shoulder, while
low-fi music yawns through a stereo.
it isn't the best idea i have ever had,
but leaving is still in the cards.
Author notes
no, i didn't drink a gallon of cough syrup. she makes me feel like i have though
In a list
So.. whats you think about it?
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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gotta control that focus honey chem aye? TOO much and banana smoothies taste like A factory floor, gotta be pure, dream taste, like synchronised mushrooms
or A fire set sunrise bathed in the truth of the sea, anyheys great, bit harsh, but great...
w tea and tigers eye
-jas
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This was great!
I think this is one of your better poems that I've read. And I've read quite a few. lol It has a very easy flow in this. I'm not sure I get all the metaphors though, like the one about the cast iron lump I wasn't so sure about but I loved the one about spinning into amber and being smothered with the best of intentions. I think some women just love too much and they really can't help it. Some guys like that and some don't. Hope all the best for you though.
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This was beautiful. Your words flow so well and portray coricidin good as well. I love the line "lo-fi music yawns through a stereo" just an amazing piece of work! keep it up!
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!!!
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i love 'regret and resentment
no less obvious than the
nicks and cuts across
the knuckles of my right hand.' and
"force my cast iron lump cobbled together with
duct tape and slowly splitting twine
to accept your warm honey
(that i feel submerged in, trapped
and slowly spinning in thick amber)"
and i actually laughed at
"i'd like to think you are smothering me
with the best of intentions."
and 'it will end with someone leaking hot
salt water onto another's cotton shoulder",i agree with hill on 'low-fi music yawns through a stereo.' its beautiful
Basically I like all of it!!!!Its going straight to the pool room!
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"Its going straight to the pool room!"
is that like being pinned up on the refrigerator?
if so, you have made my extremely cold day much better.
if not, what does that mean exactly? -
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Sorry, its a very Australian saying, from an aussie movie called 'The castle'...It s the the room of pride and joy- all those terrible engraved beer mugs, plates made into clocks, deformed pottery made or given to you by your family members that ordinarily you might ditch, goes in the pool room.....its not saying the poem was bad, in australia it means going into pride of place- i meant it to mean i was putting the poem into my favorites list.....Cheers for asking, i did think it might be a stretch , but pride of place on the refrigerator was spot on- are you american?
Cheers
acari27 -
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did my love of food give it away?
i kid. but yes, i hail from the great satan.
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So coricidin is cough syrup? Remind me never to take to much... D:
'slowly spinning in thick amber' is my favorite line. It's a good write.
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hrm, your way of writing is definitely different from what I've seen and of course, thats always good. hrm, if she makes you feel that way, then why put up with it?
I mean--its not always easy to leave but yeah, its always an option.
the sucky thing about love is that, you always have the free will and option to leave but so much of you and your heart is involved that you feel you can't or that it isn't that easy.
damn love and its addictive attributes! >.<
Lol----->[crazy girl]
tehe ^_^
Rain--x
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Chlorphenamine was prescribed for me a year ago is this good or bad - the poem drags the reader into a kind of la-la land of uncertainty. So much better than the run of the mill he/she hurt me dross. Thank you for illuminating.
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there are boys and girls where i grew up who began eating entire boxes of the stuff to hallucinate. none of it ended well. thank you for the kind words
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i really like the way you used "yawns." i listen to a lot of low-fi music and it really can yawn through a stereo, in a way all the mainstream stuff can't. i like "cotton shoulder" too. good write.
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I know the feeling dear...
"they will find me under a sheet of glass
in a natural science museum.
i'd like to think you are smothering me
with the best of intentions.
it will end with someone leaking hot
salt water onto
another's cotton shoulder, while
low-fi music yawns through a stereo.
it isn't the best idea i have ever had,
but leaving is still in the cards."
This just fits for me right now, what I'm going through...and it was amazing and brought up so much emotion...I adore you!
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Powerful write. The poem leaves the reader wondering what has happened and why. Especially thought the last two stanzas were powerful. It seemed metaphorical in a sense with the sheet of glass. Made me think of how people may feel emotionally smothered sometimes. Not literally, but may feel they need their space in life from love or something. Keep writing.
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who does?
and what? this is sooo spectaclical. i had to make up a new word to describe it.
'...low-fi music yawns through a stereo.
it isn't the best idea i have ever had,
but leaving is still in the cards.'
that's just lung stopping.
yr imagery is like, from a totally mountainous perspective.
and not in a superfical way, either.
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