you said you do not know
to speak the language of sky -
that neat alphabet
filled with stars, laid
on a quiet fall of open shrinking
only I can write its grammar, wharfage
where moons and muteness grow
toward half past higher than sky
only I can comprehend,
absorb,
understand: only I can, only I
I will never ask you
to find me, digest the moonmilk
that runs in the spirit
of my soulfulness
I will never reply in a language
you think you know: never,
(I, never, from a distance,
will speak
moon)
Author notes
a dream I just had- to my pooh, yes
In a list
A contest entry
- For My Teachers (5300 points) by just rob.
5000 points, ended March 1, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes & Fresh Writes by LadyUnique.
400 points, ended March 7, 2008, 56 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Ultimate Goal by N e a r.
20000 points, ended June 2, 2008, 946 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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mesmerising
speechless..thats a masterpiece..it almost got me crying,both because of the sadness and the sheer beauty of stars potrayed as alphabets of your language
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oh no... another poem to the finalist list! i am going to have a tough time judging this contest...
i'm in awe...
thank you for entering and good luck
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oh this hurt me.. It wounded my heart, when you said
"I will never ask you
to find me,"
I felt something like longing whisper out.. almost as if you meant to say.. "Just love me .. please.."
What a haunting write..
By the way I love your face picture.. truly beautiful as well..
Take Care,
Catressa
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i wish i had such beautiful dreams. mine are just odd and not so pleasant if i ever have any. or remember them.
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Couldn't work it all out sorry. I only read poems once because I critique on first impressions. The flow was nice, great use of some good words, but ... sorry, it felt a bit flat for my tastes.
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I'm totally amazed at this wonderful poetry written by one so young!! It's just beautiful, overflowing with imagery which perhaps can be expressed best by a young mind inundated with true vision often unique to the pure mind of a child.
I'm mesmerized by your words, flowing beautifully from your heart and mind
Dee
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Love the words moonmilk and wharfage. You've got some pure talent Namita.
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very interesting dream...
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A dream? Wow, I wish I could dream such things. This poem is simply gorgeous - the images are as fresh as your poetry always is. The repetitions and alliterations do wonders for this piece too, but the words... this is just so beautiful and full of meaning as I see it. Love how you kept up the sky/language analogy theme. I so missed reading your poetry
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A good sign of a good writer is the freshness that comes across . . .
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Strange but I like it. "moonmilk" lovely
peace to all ~flight
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I may have to quit
using the moon as a metaphor. This bested me. I really thought I spoke moon, untill now. This was a five-reader. Wonderful...
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Excellent write nammy! This is so drenched, soaked, leaking of poetry,.. i love this! Pure Magical Divine.. the words, aaaaaaaaahhh... Reading your poetry s like walking on a cloud Figure that out Lots of luv and cheers, shuvi PS - muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuaaaahhh, long time!
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I like the sense of prohibition, restlessness, and wanting intertwined in this piece. There is a certain dash of magnificence in the sound of melancholy lurking within this poem.
Always a pleasure to read your work our dear Namita.
Thanks for sharing
HENSLEY
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yep
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Outstanding.
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brilliance
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prodigy
m
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This is not your usual style but it is done with a lot of strength. I agree with Nicolette. Some of lines are more than nice. This is one of those what speaks a lot.
~Sonja~
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I think this poem is pretty neat Love this, actually..very unique, and I can hear the characters, even the words stressed in their speech, I like 'moonmilk'...
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There are so many lines in this poem that are so very creative and fresh, especially the line about "neat alphabet filled with stars" - love it, and of course "dodoed in hunger" - wow!! You are one talented poet, Namita.. you wrote this one in moonmilk, moonink!!
~ Nicolette
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Simply...beautiful.
I love how you put the words people said in different font.
This should be a winner.
~Cassie
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