Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Hiding

fallen leaves hidden
by a blankets of white snow
that cover the earth

Author notes

well this was awfully strange..haiku's are kinda hard i don't think i did so well..ehe

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • greatperhaps
    January 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ya..... ok, but it wouldn't be a blankets that just sounds gramatically wrong.... but ya.... like the idea though!


  • HopelessScribbles gold member
    January 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    with a revised version,this can be a very nice haiku, we will check back and judge in a few days if not before..thank you for this entry,and good luck..MM


  • haikumonk gold member
    January 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for entering our "critiquing" haiku contest. This reads too bulky. It needs to be trimmed down and to do that you will have to let go of that awkward 5,7,5 rhythm. It also reads as a single run/on sentence instead of having the traditional "break" between two lines and one line. Try to make a more succinct image.

    When you post your revision, please place it under the original and entitle it "revision". You can only revise this once.

    Thanks,

    Don