Pain so Deep

Gave him love without reservation,
was happy to be his puppy on a string,
married him and died of happiness.

Gave him every material possession I had.
Gave him unconditional love, gave my heart.

Phone would ring and he would answer,
telling me the caller was "Steve",
how stupid I was when I found out
Steve was another woman he was stringing
along.

His drugs burned my skin in fists that
would lash out - and I always forgave.
He would cry and drive me to the E.R,
pledge never to hit me again,
then push me out of the moving car
on the way home.

Put him above my own life, loved him so.
Went to jail for him while he went to
another woman and left me in a world
I did not know or understand...
PTA president and cookie baker turned
felon.

But I forgave and followed him halfway
across the country where we lived with
his mother - he would not hit me here, he said.
Then banged my head on a steel post and
choked me unconscious, left me on the floor
to live or die by the whims of fate.

Lost my car, my career, my home, my children,
my health, my pride and dignity for all time.
Then I hear from him and forgive again...
tell him I still love him, but not to write
if he was with someone else now...
five years clean and sober, the miracle
I prayed for on my knees for so many years.

I lost everything, became nothing.
He didn't write back - I lost him forever.
One more rejection to carry on my soul.