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Amazing Dream Kiss

A heart spent forever dwelling on hyoptheticals;
         "it could be... it will be, if I believe strong enough,"

And so it was that in her own little world,
he was her prince charming.

    And it was a world full of sweet kisses,
tight embraces,
        (her skin tingled for hours after
    they parted, the pores holding memories of his touch),
and magic.
        


She would sit, stunned and amazed by his touch.
      Reflecting upon the depth of his heart and the complexity of his being,
one word came to mind.
         

                         "Amazing" she'd whisper.


~**~

          Alas, that reality should be so cruel, and the night so long
but her smile, small and faint; knows, believes, hopes,
   that one day, he'll see the words etched upon her hand,
and give light to all her dreams,

with
  just
      one
         kiss.

CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is most welcome.

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • KayJay46 gold member
    June 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful imagery... it draws you in vouyeristically as you watch her dreams and feel her hopes... Very richly textured with clear emotions and a beautiful flow... Excellent work...
    Ken

  • *Bookmarked*
    This is so lovely, I agree with whoever it was that said down there that it's like watching a movie kiss. I prefer the firt section, I think because there's this real sense of hope and anticipation in it which wasn't really met in the rest. Not to say that the rest isn't good, but it lost the magic feeling, at least for me. If this were mine, I'd alter the "give light to all her dreams," because I was focefully reminded that I've read that exact phrase somewhere else. It seemed a bit overused (cliche even?).
    "A heart spent forever dwelling on hyoptheticals;
    "it could be... it will be, if I believe strong enough,"

    And so it was that in her own little world,
    he was her prince charming." was my favourite part, defiantly, well done and take care, x x


  • SugarCandyKittyKat
    February 28

    Edit | Reply
    The piece is goes along perfectly with the piece...

    It's like you have spoken about an excerpt from a movie...
  • Michael P
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    hope is like that dangling carrot-hop hop hop-if you were to ever actually grasp that carrot it would not be hope anymore, now would it? That is what I get as the essence of this wonderful poem...peace

  • mjlovestheatlantic gold member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wow just absolutely amazing... and how your captured a kiss so poetically! You have real talent here!

  • Crash Into Me
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    but her smile, small and faint; knows, believes, hopes,
       that one day, he'll see the words etched upon her hand,
    and give light to all her dreams,

    with
      just
          one
             kiss.

    wow. short but sweet.

    hahaha you did amazing with the imagery.

    the poem went through my head like a little video.

    &&the picture goes perfectly with this.

    ♥ ♥

    [[alexsis]]

  • This poem is pretty good! Um.... This definately should win the contest I mean y wouldn't it? I LOVE what you have after the ~**~ It's just so sweet and sad at the same time. The end pulled me in with the saying "Just One Kiss". It's great! =]

  • fabulous. this matches what i'm thinking (except "hein" is written on my hand, not "kiss me," hehe)


  • Aurora Ceres gold member
    January 20

    Edit | Reply
    Love the day-dreaming quality of this, the end is deeply touching.  This truly is wonderfully written, Zach. Amazing dream kiss, indeed.

    Bella


  • SchizoChic
    January 18
    Edit | Reply
    Very very sweet. Best of luck in the contest.
  • this is beautiful huni,
    its so wonderful and powerful,
    i love it
    <33

1 - 15 of 15