I still buy the rose and light the candle
but romance died the night I slid my hand up your leg
the night your desert blossomed and its dried spring erupted
the night the moon quivered and that oblong star exploded
the night wet heat boiled and the blood burst its levee
flowing into the lower depths, at the joint of two paradises
the night when things that rhyme with lick - were
and things that rhyme with it and suck - were
the night when passion's army seized command
and romance surrendered, like a spent booster does, to a final stage
Author notes
A contest entry
- Come on in by Riftkin.
600 points, ended January 31, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Searching For New Favourites ♥ by Immortal Obscurity.
1750 points, ended April 9, 2008, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Adult Pre Write Party by theredcatjazzoflove.
600 points, ended May 23, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - To What Do We Owe Our Hearts? by Ephiphany.
850 points, ended March 17, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Thank you for entering my contest with your intense piece, good luck, Josie
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thanks for the good entry. i really like the meter youve used and the way it flows, but i'm not so keen on the topic. personally i think what youve described is the starting of true romance, not the ending.
thanks again and good luck. -
Great poem
Definitely different from those I've read before. Keep up the good work and thanks for entering my contest
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Dark and sensual, I have just fallen in love with it.
Amazing work
Favorite lines
"the night when passion's army seized command
and romance surrendered, like a spent booster does, to a final stage'
Beautiful
~Serenity -
Interesting concept, the idea that romance and passion can be separated. You almost seem to imply that romantic gestures aren't really necessary once the sexual barrier has been broken. I'm not sure I agree with it, but I certainly appreciate the fresh take on the matter. Thanks for entering!
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clever and sensual
thank you for entering this startling, original and sensual piece. a real treat to read -
the night when things that rhyme with lick - were
and things that rhyme with it and suck - were
a great poem that deserves the medals its won
great job
i love how you really let us know what was going on without giving it a xxx rating
great work
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Aw, this is a thought provoking piece.
the night the moon quivered and that oblong star exploded
the night wet heat boiled and the blood burst
I loved that part but the rest was good also
Nice.
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very sad...it tears at the soul and heart.
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This is a very intense and powerful piece. I didn't want erotica, but I guess this is okay. It was a very moving piece that held such emotion. Thank you for the entry & I wish you the best of luck ! ♥
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Wow!
This is quite an intense piece. Love the powerful imagery you've used here. Thank you for your entry. -
nice write.
i wasn't really expecting anything erotic, but this is still quite good. i noticed a couple spelling mistakes but that can be fixed. im assuming your using the second option of a night you can remember, but if im wrong msg me so i can reread this in a different light.
my favourite lines were:
I still buy the rose and light the candle
but romance died the night I slid my hand up your leg.
goodluck and thanks for the entry
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this was cool hon you had a few knock out lines here and ther thanks for sharing
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I like this... It seemed almost like your narrator was out for sex, rather than love. I agree with my auntie Jo's comment about romance and the soul... Well done, and welcome to the finals!
Laura xxx
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When romance is dead and buried so is the soul, a very poignant write, Josie
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This is a great write, I may be taking it too literal but I hope that once you get the goods the romance doesn't have to be gone. Hopefully it would make it be better Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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beauitufl work
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Love
Evasive, denied, used up and a word that is over used. The real important four letter word is LUST...I do read and respond
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