...sounds, is it light that I see,butterflies flying gently over me
Death is now so beautiful to seek
The sheets smell so exotic, from motions of physical devotion
Sun has set away the world of illusion
My hands are empty from cards to gamble,
My lips are dry with no cigarettes to blow,
A dreadful truth I lived, a rock I stood on far away I watched it flow,
What an irony, life is...
A stupid clown colored with red and blue
A colorless star shinning over you...
We live days, years and nights
Trying to find out the meaning of our lives
Some may find it, while others won't
Our deepest fear and desires
More for lust and not for love
Cause we live by ecstasy
Lazy pastimes of forgotten joy slowly creep out of the mind
As a shroud of darkness blankets my eyes
Welcome to the land of inadequate memories
Slowly the rose waits for autumn to arrive and mutters
To gently take off the beauty it carries leaving it without patels
Harsh it is but true
Describing the lives of me and you...
03:47pm
15/19/2007
what i wrote is a part of painting the storm inside my head..compare it with yours and tell me what you conclude!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Hi G.b.d.,
This is another piece of emotionally dramatic writing and it reflects accurately the storm inside the head of so many. When there is hopelessness of course "Death is...so beautiful to seek." and in some ways it is easier to live: "More for lust and not for love." Lust does not require courage and when one is discouraged Love can be too much to allow oneself to feel and experience. "As a shroud of darkness blankets my eyes" is a very powerful line and I know that reality. In this state of being I have found that my vision of my own life has been myopic. Your description of the denuded rose is very apt for those in despair and for some of us facing the autumnal years of our lives. Excellent piece of writing,
Kind wishes,
Liveddog. -
i liked this, i feel a sense of we are screwed, from this piece there is so much going on here yet the structure is spot on, and it compares closly to how i think.. verry well done
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I feel a deep sense of loss of innocence, a hoplessness that tears at the heart, not only for two lovers, but for a whole society? Strong metaphor you use: "rose waiting for autumn", "a colorless star shining"...Very sad yet tender write. Peace, Rhonda
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When I read this, I think of one being in limbo...it's like everything is at a standstill in life. There is no moving forward no going back, you're stuck right where you are as though you're waiting on something. In this case, it seems like the person has given up on life and is just waiting on death. No reason to live anymore because all hope has been lost so there's only death to look forward to because death will put an end to their misery.
I could continue on what else I see, but I think that this should suffice. This is another amazing write 'n deep deep poem from you!
Keep them coming!
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Since being on this website only for a day this is without a doubt the best one i have read
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the rhyme could be gentler, with a rhythym
but you have good imagery here
"my lips are dry with no cigarettes to blow"
"we live days, years and nights trying to find out the meaning of our lives" -- i really like that line.
nicely done
-eveline
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I enjoyed how you used such blunt statements- "welcome to the land of inadequate memories" (definitley a favorite line now). Well-penned and to-the-point, well done.
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No comment....
amazing piece
well done
keep on penning
PEACE
*******JOWELL*****
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Very Thoughtful
Well written and very well thought out. A keen insight to the new American dream. (my interpretation).
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