proudly
my wide-eyed
family portrait stood
with the innocence that
even then
one detected on
its far less
war-torn faces;
i hadnt the heart
to tell it
what had happened.
i could not
let it know
that we were the
only ones
who still
remembered.
A contest entry
- the rusted bucket; a personification contest - with nurse chilly by Cat.
800 points, ended February 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
fantastic ending.
-
like my fellow judge said.. I would have liked to have seen more meat on the bones of this.. like who is in the photo, a quirk of them, the vernacular of family life?? all things that could give the creedence it deserves
well done and many thanks for entering this contest
G.x
-
with the first stanza i was a bit afraid of this piece- it opens sorta milk toastie.. i think the beginning could certainly be punched up-
but then you get to
i hadn't the heart to tell it what happened.. and the story begins; questions open and suddenly you have a
a poem that i want more details on... i want to know what happened.. (i love when i read a poem and i actually care what happened- i love that you didn't tell the reader) anyhow.. my two cents..
well done
m
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