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[ tripping ]

tripping on breathing
injecting 
              i

              n

              t

              o

         empathy

S O L I D F O U N D A T I O N O F E N E R G I E S

                flowwwww
back.


existence is
    be
   n
          d
               ing

        de         tracting,
leav                          ing.

hush, please

stop your screaming
please


     rav
un       al

t w    t

     is



ex_________tend


0000000000

complain
forming it
it's going to be
easy
holding your hand
through writing

I'll explain
everything
when you
stop

stop

stop
screaming

Author notes

This is my favorite way to write, but I want to know if it works in your opinion.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • cotey.c
    January 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    cummings

    Very cummings. Hard to follow but very artistic. I absolutely love love love it. You are distorted and fantastic. Give me more puzzles!


  • zillion
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I never chop people down for being different. As a matter of fact, I consider my writing style different from most, and even disliked by many. However one thing I really dislike is spelling errors in poetry.

    "foudation" should be foundation.

    "existance" should be existence.

    The only time I have problems with the form of a poem is when it takes away from the message. I felt the repeated 'w's on flow was too uncomfortable and held no significant value. Some of the huge gaps made it hard to follow the poem, but the actual style itself is not bad and is used by many poets. I would say to change the way you write, just watch the spelling and be conscious of how the form effects the meaning.

    • Annexed Josephine
      January 19, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      yeah that was stupid

      i need to do better with editing my stuff before submitting it.


  • just mercedes gold member
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    it works for me, you got it all in, it looks good - and very different - so you'll probably be chopped down for it. very much like the final bit (can't call it a stanza)

1 - 5 of 5