[ Will you believe me when I tell you I am dying? ]

Will you believe me when I tell you I am dying?
Will you believe me when you see me wilting?
On the occasion that we are undressed
Lying in your bed
Exposed
I let you see it
Into my shaken up desire
Just for a moment

I ask you if you ever thought about it
I ask you if you ever thought about how easy it would be
Too easy
With all these pills
With all the sad songs that add up
To some worn out ending from a beginning we never asked for
We never dreamed

I see you tilt your head
You don’t take your hands away
Or
Turn the TV back on
But you’re doing it anyway
Pretending like you don’t know
You don’t understand what I am asking
And you see the world like you want it to be

You close your eyes
You pretend your dreaming
I prefer when you fall asleep
And I can stare at the blue walls
Instead of your eyes
And the tilt of your head when the words I speak aren’t as beautiful as you believe me to be
But the walls are the color of your eyes
And I want to break something
I want to break something outside of myself

I never told you about that week when we were apart
That week when I locked my door and thought I would never unlock it again
I still feel the pain in my chest
The pain that goes deeper than my heart wanting to stop
The beat that is weaker than yours
I won’t tell you
I won’t tell the world

I do not want you to speak
I crave the silence
The silence of the dark and dammed
I want the silent beauty of life to crawl inside of me and breathe into me
I can’t breathe on my own anymore
Will you believe me when I tell you I am dying?
Will you believe me when you see me wilting?
Waiting
To be saved from myself