to turn away from love
to desire more
than your presence in my bed,
my poetry, my life
to face the three empty milk bottles
patiently waiting on the worn porch
brushing hips on windy nights,
singing with the ghosts
they tremble at your heavy footsteps
cry warning
and wait, bereft
for spring
A contest entry
- the rusted bucket; a personification contest - with nurse chilly by Cat.
800 points, ended February 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
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Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Kate,
I like this one- because it steps away from what i was expecting but as you know- i always that is a good idea- stepping outside the box.
so.. here it comes..
to turn away from love
to desire...
to face etc...
shouldn't those statements culminate in a point?
it's like they are all just hanging out there pointless.. and im talking literally about the piece itself.. not it's meaning.. but how it is written
for example
to dream the impossible dream
to fight the unbeatable foe
to go where the brave dare not go
this is my quest
to follow that star
no matter how hopeless
no matter how far
see how the first three lines- culminate in
"this is my quest" ?
my point is that i don't see the purpose in your to's...
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i think the point was more that there was no "culminating point" just the difference between wanting or needing to do something and actually doing it. more of a working yourself up to taking action.
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i'm sorry if i offended-
i am fairly sure you don't understand my point -it isn't about your intent.. it is about the structure of the poem itself
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I love the personification of the milk bottles here; trembling and crying - very appropriate.
Well done, and best wishes in the contest.
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very tight and neatly done.. the singing ghosts and the tinkle of glass, so delicate and the tremble of sorrow..
waiting for spring...... yes, we can all do that... and do so... i am
well done and many thanks for entering this contest
G.x
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you win. i'm calling it.
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yay!
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