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weathered blue bird house

Nailed high upon a post,

a house stands the test of time,

rain and snow and dusty wind,

he emerges scratched but never fallen.

He beckons to the flying things,

"Come perch on me",

and creates a place where

twittering blue birds can reply

"Home Sweet Home".

Author notes

tweaked a bit

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • NurseChilly gold member
    February 9, 2008

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    I can see that you worked on the piece ... and it shows, my only critique is the use of the cliched blue birds and home sweet home imagery and metaphors, i think this could have been a really strong piece by stepping away from the norm and using unusual metaphors, such as a Kite's blue wing? or the colour of kingfisher eyes?? i dunno, my mind is rambling now



    well done though, and many thanks for entering

    G.x


    • And Hyetal
      February 9, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your comment!

      Sometimes I really do have trouble getting away from the cliches... I think I come up with a good idea, but it seems like someone else already did.


  • February Moon gold member
    January 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    This is beautiful.


  • Cat
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely love the picture you've chosen- i love the paint chipped wood- the older
    i get the more i realize i am a country girl
    at heart- i can get lost in that picture
    - move in to the scene behind it-

    i'm not sure you nailed personification in this
    poem- the house should take on human characteristics to be considered personification- feel free to tweak if you'd like or keep as is if you are happy with the poem as is.

    thanks so much for entering

    m


    • And Hyetal
      January 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Alright, I tweaked the poem a bit... Feel free to check it out again; I added a bit more personification. I hope it's what you wanted.

  • SoulWhispher
    January 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great personification of the blue bird house, you did great here, Love dad

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very nice you did a great job with it goodluck to you in the contest best wishes and much love

1 - 7 of 7