Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

baptism

 

 

sunlight fades like
a failed prophecy

angled against dark

guilty
as a penitent behind
the confessional lattice

the splintered dusk
seeps through
dirty windows

and dwindles into
some rusty solitude
of broken chairs
and undusted mirror

in the living room,
he slams an empty beer bottle
on the table with an ashtray
overflowing with endings

the tv dinner
withers within
muted whys
everything is dry,
juiceless as a nun

but somewhere among
rat tracks on the floor
and fat cracks on the wall
the credit card statements
and unreturned calls

Scarlet is
stranded
in a noiseless sacrament





Author notes

third revision

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • Eric Nunnally
    May 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Sublime

    Ok, maybe not sublime, but a terrific write! (smile)


  • Namita
    February 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    "rat tracks on the floor
    and fat cracks on the wall" - clever!

    & "Scarlet is
    stranded
    in a noiseless sacrament"

    Yes, just AMAZING. This certainly deserves the gold. "juiceless as a nun" "sunlight fades like a failed prophecy" - Excellent writing, Rhona.


  • g r e y i s m
    February 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this one a lot. one of the best I have read in this contest I think. love the way it ends.

    thanks for entering

    Lea

  • MariGoes gold member
    January 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    It feels as if despair has taken over the place and his mind. The empty bottle line made me think of a scene that used to be pretty much common in my past.
    More hurtful than scary.
    Excellent poem dear Rhona


  • Night Hope gold member
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "sunlight fades like
    a failed prophecy

    angled against dark"

    Nope, not amazing. Magnificent. Visceral. Pure. Awe~inspiring. Lea will enjoy this, methinks. Good luck in the contest, my Friend. Wanda


  • Nicolette gold member
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great visuals in this poem.

    "juiceless as a nun" - great line that - made me smile too. This is great poetry, Rhona.

    ~ Nicolette

1 - 6 of 6