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Empty Words of Love~

I love you, lying to myself
"I love you~" You whispered every night,
I Love You 
Just empty words~

Author notes

Team Sonneteer (<----in case needed lol)
wow 20 words is hard and not my forte...hope the "", and ~ don't count as "words"

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Whoochi gold member
    January 19, 2008

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    There is a line from a song from Snow Patrol that sticks in my head....that correlates with this...those 3 words said too much and not enough....well done....


  • And Hyetal
    January 17, 2008

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    Don't worry, I counted 19 words.  Anything under 20 is acceptable in this contest.

    Imagery: 1 point
    Theme: 1 point
    Use of Form/Flow: 0 points
    Other criteria: 1 point
    Overall Appeal: 0 points

    Well, you definately used a lot of imagery and your theme was nice. You had an okay title.

    I like repetition, but the thing is, in short poetry, it doesn't work as well. In long poems, it helps tie everything together, but in short poems, it isn't really necessary. The way you repeated "I love you" took away the appeal of this poem, because (forgive me for no other analogy) there was no meat on this poem's bones. It also took away from the flow of the poem as a whole.

    But other than the repetition, everything else was nice. Thank you for entering!

    3 more points for Team Sonneteer!

    Always,
    Cassie


  • Kelli Marie
    January 17, 2008

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    Those three words are the most said, the most misused, the most lied about and the most dishonored. Profound write for 20 words.
    Kelli