Beneath snowy crown
coiled curls
riffle into
feathered angel wings
as Grandma
rummages
her purse
for a scarf
smelling of baby talc
Author notes
Prompt: snow drift
whiffle: to blow with light, shifting gusts
A contest entry
- Prompt Contest 10 entries 20 words more/less by mysticstorm.
600 points, ended January 18, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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oh...
target hit...
this is wonderful Diane! I love this write...
congrats on the well deserved silver cup...
truly worthy indeed!
great take on the contest prompt and you have painted such a vivid image with very few words...
the baby talc was genius!!!
Blessings! Tammy
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She always used baby talc, and her clothing carried whiffs of it. She was a delightful grandma with a spicy personality
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Yes, the poem is loaded with intimacy. Your language is spare and connects successfully to a definite moment. I was unsettled by the title. "Bluster" seemed much too strong. The poem should carry the message. Nobody rummages like a grandmother; and a purse is a place like no other. My mother always had a mint in her purse and disturbed others frequently with her attempts to locate it.
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My dictionary and I agree with you. I could not think of a better word at the time. The wind would gust up suddenly. After some hunting, I think 'wind whiffled' (whiffle: to blow with light, shifting gusts) would be a better fit. The contest is in judging, so I will change it when it is wrapped up. Thank you for the excellent comment.
This Grandma always carried lemondrops she shared among us kids. Indeed, Nobody rummages like a grandmother!
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This is one of your finest. It reminds me of the simplicity and perfection of Dickenson. You have in so few words, managed to characterize Grandma as well as endear her to us. And what an "out-of-the-box" take on the prompt. Also, I love the title and the imagery. This is truly wonderful!!!
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Thank you, ten!
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This has incredible visuals, and such a clever and creative take on the prompt! I could clearly see that snowy hair flying, and I remember that smell! Excellent imagery, "coiled curls
riffle into
feathered angel wings".
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Very nice work with metaphor. The title suggests the core image; the poem develops an entirely different image that nonetheless interlocks perfectly with the title. And in doing so it creates a vivid picture of another time and another place, a different generation. Well done.
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Thank you, micol, for your comment. It was one of those intense, full-color memories of childhood. Angel-haired, but mighty keen over a game of Dominoes!
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With my grandmother, it was caroms. Nobody could come close to them when she and my grandfather teamed up.
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This is wonderful...I remember this days so well with my grandmother as I was a child...very soft and comforting...well done.
Thank you for entering! -
oh.... so touching. wonderful take on this prompt, and telling a descriptive story with such few words. great job! best wishes in the contest.
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this poem is heart-warming.
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Thank you, amalia
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This is precious. You take a strong memory from the heart and make it into a most beautiful poem. I think you should like it very much. I know I do.
Kelli -
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Thank you, Kelli Marie. My grandmother had the whitest white hair in her old age. So beautiful, it almost glowed! She always carried a scarf or fold-up plastic rainbonnet in her purse
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This is very beautiful Dear Never even thought of it this way Good take on the prompt Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you, RedwingSpirit
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