If you knew me, oh if you could see
all the dreams, all the things that I crave.
You would be here in a New York minute,
take all of me, kit me out, make me behave.
I am 5'4, just a small little pony,
with my brown eyes and golden brown mane.
Lovely big orbs, massive triple D boobies,
a bottom just begging for the touch of your cane.
I am hoping for a couple to entice and seduce me.
A Mistress and a Master to serve.
Strict and secure with their knowledge of safety,
treating me as property, their own hors-d-oeuvre.
What you look like really does not matter.
It's the touch of dominance that I need.
I would quiver with fear and abject desire,
while I strive to please, do as you decreed.
I am livestock now, wet just at the thought
of a stable, a bridle and a bit.
Shave me, adorn me and make me sweat,
as I pull the cart in which you sit.
Make me lift my knees, moan with helpless pleasure
as the leather of your crop drives me fast.
Train me to give all, to live by your wishes,
knowing that now I am home at last.
If this is what you want, if I am your desire,
you can contact me on email, susie@themeet.
I do have a name now, they call me Susannah,
as I breathlessly wait to kneel at your feet.
Author notes
BDSM spans many interests and being a ponygirl is one of them. I thought I would look at that aspect of service and write an ad as a ponygirl looking for the Master and Mistress that would want her. Hope you enjoy.
Oh this is for "The Erotic Challenge, Season 5" by Master Ktulu.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
Love this
Like you say in one of the comments, it does come across as whimsical
And it is nice to see a rhyming poem from you
For some reason "I am livestock now, wet just at the thought
of a stable, a bridle and a bit.
Shave me, adorn me and make me sweat,
as I pull the cart in which you sit." was the best for Me
-
Creative! Enjoyed your work as usual.
-
indeed I agree, well done and unique. best wishes to you in this contest.
Your scores:
Spelling/grammar:20
Presentation:19
Originality: 20
How well handled challenge:19
Overall-20
Total:98 congrats to you
Best wishes in this challenge.
Passions
-
spelling/grammar=20
presentation=20
originality=20
how well you handled challenge=20
overall=20
total=100
i love the fact you did this a bit different and for a pony.
-
Spelling and grammar = 20
Presentation = 19
Originality = 20
'Grab Me' Effect = 20
Overall = 19
TOTAL = 98/100
Only one point and that was the background - other than that it would've been perfect!
Your idea was amazing - WELL DONE!
-
-
Thanks C. Really glad you liked it this much.
-
-
Your score
Your score for round one entry
spelling/grammar - 20
presentation - 20
originality - 20
how well you handled challenge - 20
overall - 20
____________________________
Total -100
Congrats! -
-
Thank you Ktulu!!! I am really glad it impressed you this much. *Smiles brightly*.
-
-
First off,
EXCELLENT!
Details: PERFECT
Rhythm: PERFECT
Spelling/grammar: Again, seems Perfect
Creativity: ASTOUNDING!
Suggestions: I see no need for improvement. This is overall an exceptional piece and must say, definately a peice that made me say, Holy shit.
You really had this ad together.
Best of luck to you in this contest.
Will return with score soon.
Passionspromise
-
-
Thank you so much!!! *Blushes*. I sure hope that I can continue to wow you during the rest of the challenge.
-
-
LOL! Seriously - I have a pic that I saw a few days ago to do with pony girls!!!
freaky! Haven't read anything about that for the longest time and all of a sudden I get a pic and YOU write a poem
okay, back to the judging bit ... ahem ... (putting professional voice on now)
Your AN confused me a bit ... it says you are LOOKING for a pony, but the write reads as though you ARE the pony ... please correct that
-
-
In the piece I outline that I am looking for a Master and a Mistress to serve as a pony - therefore I am the pony. I see though that my AN could be confusing!!! Sowwwiiiieeee! I am changing that right after this reply - uhhhmmm thanks for that professional voice ... *blushes*.
-
-
This is one aspect of BDSM I have never really got into for one reason or another and this is enthralling and perking my interest to learn more, always a good thing in this way of life. Fascinating write, thank you.
-
-
Oh thankee ... It is a fascinating piece of BDSM and to some in the M/s community it is all about changing a slave into an animal for use. There is lots to learn about this and I am learning about it as we speak. It is very erotic to think of serving in this way to me. I just don't know how well I would do if I could not talk at all. *Giggles*. I hope this inspired many hours of happy research.
-
-
i wonder how many are going to try to e mail you and be disappointed. this was a fun read.
-
-
I hope not a lot! I am glad you enjoyed it.
-
-
I really enjoyed this;
I think that you picked up right where you left off in the last challenge and this really shows. It is poetic and flows well and has a personal ad feel to it. BRAVO!
Just a couple suggestions;
1. A period at the end of "all the dreams, all the things that I crave"
and
2. A comma at the end of "Shave me, adorn me and make me sweat"
Other than that, this is fantastic.
You will recieve your score once the deadline comes, therefore allowing you to make edits if you want.
**Master Ktulu** -
-
Thank you so much. I did the edits you thought would improve the piece. Thanks for the feedback!! Great to be back and to get a wonderful comment like this in the first round!
-
-
Bruce Springsteen has a song titled "pony boy...won't you be my pony boy" It has always been one of my favourite songs, lol. Great personification of a ponygirl here. You are really branching out in this genre, my ex-South African friend! Hey, I'm 5"4 with brown eyes too...if it weren't from the golden brown mane I could have been susie, lolol
I so enjoyed this; some good flowing rhyme here too and another example of the many styles you have mastered.
~ Nicolette
-
-
Nicolette
I am quite tickled now. I know how spiritual and wonderfully emphatic you are. BDSM is not a genre that most people that are spiritual would even be interested to comment on. I love it that you read and appreciate this genre and that you make me feel so accepted, despite the fact that this piece is certainly not mainstream.
I was trying to be whimsical (hence the rhyme). When I feel whimsical, I generally choose rhyming and I had a song in my head while I was writing it too. Unfortunately I do not know the title of the song. I love Bruce too and I know exactly what that song sounds like.
You are fantastic friend. As to the ex in your comment - that is still in process. Ah these bureaucratic hoops ... one needs a bit of erotica to get by ... *smiles*. -
-
Well, I admire you for writing something like this. It's not something I am familiar with but I've learned long ago to accept life in all it's shapes and colours. And you are a great friend too and I love reading you.
Warms hugs from the RSA
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
