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reflections from a tin foil moon



In the end, there was nothing-
burnt wicks
floating on the remnants
of something beautiful

I never tried to feel
I never tried to reach out


you pulled the pieces
tucked to this shape

that was never real
and promised I had forever
to rely on. 


We sit on this dangerous edge
watching the moon roll
on the stomach
of the sky, swinging its grand hips 
 
 
and we will all fall away from it,
in the end.  






17.01.08

Author notes

This is what the prompt inspired, but I know it seems tenuos Danna-

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • logorrhoea
    September 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ~


  • Macey Muse
    May 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Is it ok if I paraphrase your title here as the title of a fanfiction I've written? (You've heard me flail at titles ^.^' and this is both pretty and fitting)


  • InMyFlames
    February 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so beautiful no wonder you won gold i cant be critical of anything great work


  • Cellar-Door
    January 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    The first stanza was incredibly powerful. Congratulations on the gold!


  • Whoochi gold member
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely nailed this, love the feeling of this...well done.....Congrats on the Gold...well deserved!


  • Danna Hobart
    January 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is masterful. The imagery is dark. It has an end of the world feeling about it. Thanks for entering.


  • new light
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful.

    "watching the moon roll
    on the stomach
    of the sky, swinging its grand hips "

    ^^i love the imagery in those lines.

    keep up the writing dear

    .♥.


  • c e ll a r . d oo r
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    my favorite verse::

    "We sit on this dangerous edge
    watching the moon roll
    on the stomach
    of the sky, swinging its grand hips"

    you have a wonderful way with words and i love it.

    i'll read more and comment more later :]

  • celadia
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was beautiful in a mysterious way. I really liked the first stanza when you described wicks floating that was so good. good luck in the contest.

  • Rowan gold member
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Stunningly beautiful, and desperately sad.

    Kathleen


  • CokebottleEyes
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sometimes i'm simply amazed what a group of words can do when arranged by someone with talent... like this poem. simply a stunner


  • misselaineous
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    excellent imagery and use of words


  • Confetti Fairy-x
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    you neverfail to amaze.
    i adore
    "you pulled the pieces
    tucked to this shape
    that was never real
    and promised I had forever
    to rely on. "

    and all the rest of course.

    <3

1 - 14 of 14