I stand here alone wondering why
Why does this pain have to exist?
When I don't even remember your face
You left this world before I existed
Leaving my mother alone with pain
For she was lost without your light
You were her hope that she needed
The love that she craved
But when you were gone, it was all taken over by pain
Your memory is all that she has
And was all that she had to give to me
So I might understand her undying misery
She told me stories about when you were alive
Laughing and growing the garden full of happiness
The kind of things that little girls dream
When you were around you played the piano well
Teaching her how to with grace and poise
But when I started to learn you could see my mother’s pain
For the memories of you came alive
She once said that you baked cakes with ease
And one time the dog to a bite that was the size of a wheel of cheese
You came screaming down the hall
Scolding the very plump dog
But you just stood and laughed with my mom in your arms
I wish you were here to make my mother smile
Because she just sits and shields her face every once and awhile
Trying to hid her indiscernible agony
Though I have never been to give my regards
At your final resting place
When I do go I always know
That you would have loved me well
And wanted peace for my mother
So she wouldn't have to carry this pain on her own
So we'd put all of our pain
Into to the wind to blow away
As I put a single flower to bestow upon your grave
With a few tear drops of my unknown grief
Onto the silky petals of the rose that you used to grow
Author notes
RIP,Option 1) Write a poem about someone you know who has passed.
This is in honor on my Grandmother Sharian Pounds who died before i was born, but is still sorely missed.
"I feel, I love, so I live"
A contest entry
- Engraved Memories (Take 2) by x Gemini x.
525 points, ended January 17, 2008, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Come along AP Poets, Time to Win!! by Hebz.
525 points, ended March 17, 2008, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Enchanted Misery Contest by Ms Raneika.
1200 points, ended March 20, 2008, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories of a Real Past by fantasysmurf.
666 points, ended May 11, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me how i did...
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Good
Expressing your thoughts in poetry is good for the soul. Keep your words alive, and keep your memories the same. Good poem
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You write well, expressing a broad array of anecdotes that make the piece come alive. I really liked the reminiscent feel of the poem and i wish you the best of luck in the contest
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Nice write. You expressed yourself well here. Hopefully you can meet her in the next life. Thanks for sharing.
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This is a very honest and heartfelt write ...I thank you for entering my contest much love, Raneika
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Love it, so much pain shown, so expressive
Well Done
Thnx for entering & Best of luck
GloriousGift
Heba -
It's heartbreaking. There are a few errors that would probably make it a better write.
"I stand here alone wondering
Why does this pain have to exist
When I don't even remember your face?"
For the most part it flows quite well and there is no forced ryhmning. Great job -
At first, I can see some puncuation errors with "I", so it'd be good to maybe look that over.
This poem is very emotional. I can picture a movie played out with what you are saying without even knowing any personal facts.
"But when you ... taken over by pain" : This line seemed a little too long for the part, since the others were at a medium on a line scale... this line felt like a high.
"Your memory ... give to me" : wow, I LOVE how you put this. It's original, the way you did it, and it is brilliant in helping the reader understand the characters' inside emotions through metaphorical [is that even a word? Lol] action.
"when you were around ... grace and poise" : You added "play" two times in two different ways, played and play. I dunno. It's kind of hard to read these lines like that with the same word twice. You also use play again in the next line. Try only using 1 play to make the poem flow better at this point.
Also, you continuously use "my mother". Using it a few times in the poem, spaced out evenly enough, would help the poem's flow as well and not make it TOO repetitive.
"I wish you were here to make ... indescrible agony" : There's cons and pros with this one. It's wonderfully stated with the images you're trying to convey. You repeat "hide", though, and I think "indescrible" is spelled wrong [if it's now, sorry
].
This is a beautiful and heartfelt poem, overall. I LOVE how you include your title in the end of the poem! I love it when writers do that. It's really catching.
Thank you for sharing. Definitely a silver trophy win.
You express your feelings so perfectly and easily.
M a r l u x i a
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Thank's again for your wonderful and helpful comment.
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Thank you for enetering my contest.
This si similiar to what I have experienced. I was jsut a toddler when my moms caretaker and closest relative, my great grandmother, died of cancer. I often saw many of these things when she talked about her, and as I grew up.
Lovley
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Your welcome, it is very similar my grandmother died of cancer also. It is very painful to watch sometimes, so i don't often speak of her.
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