the pine trees are damp with waiting
rain trickles stealthy through your scarf
teasing
left of the spine
then right
i remember blankets and paperbacks,
movies on the worn red couch
before the laments
the long slow decline
what is unspoken
breathes
while we watch
rise
and fall
you hold me down
in hope of an explanation
if only
if only my eyes saw green
as yours
i would exhale malady
from my hard-worked soul
if only the unknown did not wait
patiently
in the corner of my eye
a twist of mouth
and outstretched hand
Author notes
i think i interpreted this differently oh well!
A contest entry
- image inspired - 4 hours by Cat.
500 points, ended January 18, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
...
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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yes, i lived this. and i can't decide what's better, the silence or the saying of it. or maybe what's best is that moment where you both look at each other and you know it's going to be said, and for a split second there's this understanding that neither of you want anything to change, but neither of you can stay like that anymore. it hurts in all the right places, sometimes.
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yes. well. it's better when you both know. it's when only you know and you're left trying to explain it. and to know that sometimes you want to hold on and suffer, despite everything. sometimes being alive and miserable with someone is the best thing you can have. but that always changes.
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This is a very beautiful poem :-) The first line is fantastic, "the pine trees are damp with waiting," because it's an intriguing way of expressing the thought of waiting. But by far, my favorite part of the poem is "teasing left of the spine then right" because it is succinct and brings the reader up-close. That tiny detail is really intimate and plays out some of the larger issues of the poem. Very nice.
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thanks. sometimes when rain chases itself down your back it's all you can think of!
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this is the thing with my prompts...
i have no expectations- i generally get a couple pieces that i am not surprised to have.. but i try not to set the scenario too much because i think it allows people to go where they will..
you did that beautifully here- you found your own poem out of the prompt.. and it's lovely.
m -
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sometimes i think i just use prompts to encourage what i was already feeling, but since it can really help, i don't worry too much. i guess, as long as i'm writing it can't be bad!
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This touched me. Reached in deep and pulled from within. I can relate to this whole poem so well...
"what is unspoken
breathes
while we watch"
yes...that which is unspoken does tend to breathe and somehow take on a life of its own. Somehow it's always hard to ignore what is unspoken too...
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i lived like that for a very long time. i thought it would all be better if it were said - but after it was said i had to leave. now i think... *shrugs* some unspoken things should remain there. they breathe on their own, we know.... but then, the only way to remove them is to speak of them and sometimes sharing house-space is too much.
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love this one - there are so many stand out, creative lines..you move from the comfortable to the unknown, i feel that greatly in this poem, the 'worn red couch' quite a symbol here of the familiar to the something in the corner of our eyes, wondering what the heck is in there. I always enjoy reading your work so much...good luck in Mary's contest! - aM
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thank you! so much lately i feel that people wish to stick with what is known, never breaching their border and exploring anything else. there is so much more to discover. good and bad. i want to know.
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i love your interpretation
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