It’s easy to feel important
when others throw coins my way
praising me for a face so exotic
yet universally beautiful-
bone structure to be envied,
eyes sparkling with clarity.
But what would I be without
these memorable features?
I would be outright unrecognizable.
I’d look like a Picasso painting
where all my parts have been
scattered becoming merely
a (dis)array of contorted shapes.
But unlike Picasso’s masterpieces,
I would have lost my value.
Author notes
My face: my poetry.
In a list
A contest entry
- Anatomy lesson #12 by MissStranger.
600 points, ended January 21, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I think that final couplet is almost redundant - this is very well composed - those first few lines reel the reader in quite well!
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Outstanding
I liked the link to the abstract world of Picasso and the originality of this poem, the whole concept of taking a fresh look at something we take for granted- our looks. A refreshing, thoughtful poem.
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Good...
very good indeed, put together very well, ending with that great last line, super!
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Wow! This is very real. I like the honesty in it.
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-i think your stanza's diction needs a little reworking.
-use of picasso in parallel to your face and then contrast was clever.
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Ehh, I'm not too proud of this one. What do you mean by "diction"? Like less simplistic vocab or that it didn't flow well? I could use some tips from a pro
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no, just the choice of words on whole. you can use simple words and be brolliant. you do't have to go crazy with vocab. hmm, lemme see if i could give you a good example:
when others throw coins my way
praising me for a face so exotic
roughly speaking, perhaps something like:
when others throw coins at my exotic face [urg, such a bad example. i'm sorry]
i didn't see a problem with flow.
[i'm not a pro. nowhere near a pro. quite far from it, actually. if you're looking for someone really good, i'd recommend other writers]. -
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So, in other words "less is more"? That's what Suzanne Dia (another pro and friend of yours I think) also said. I do tend to ramble, and I know I have to work on it. Thanks
And you're great. Take a compliment and run with it 
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dia is amazing.
well, i'm kind of hesitant to say less is more. i mean, yes, it's a great talent to be able to portray something immense to readers in fewer words. but there are writers that i like who tend to have longer poems but are able to hold my attention extremely well throughout the piece. for example, i love unbroken record's style. he usually [his recent writes have been smaller comparatively to his more older ones] writes longer pieces.
it's not less is more. it's how you use your words and literary elements, in my opinion.
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OMG! your entry made my day!
wonderful job you did in here!hmmm...never expected of such a brilliant approaching of the topic!both wise and simple, still infinite challanging!well done indeed!thank you for entering and good luck!
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Great
I also like the way you compared your poetry to a picasso, like an array of jigsaw peices. I know how you feel though, if I didn't have poetry to run to, I would have probably killed myself after 2 years in the hospital. That's how I vented and got through the stressful situations I did. By sharing my poems and feelings with people (on this website no less) I became less angry and began to accept what happened to me. Good write.
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I agree I like how you used a Picasso painting as a comparison in this poem. It made it convey great imagery. I've felt this way, told I was beautiful on the outside but felt like a Picasso mess on the inside, but I've found I have so much to offer, so much about me that in fact I'm worth more then just some silly painting, and you are too. People have emotions, they can feel, but paintings can't.
~Amanda~
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Thank you for your comment and giving me your interpretation of it (as well as your encouraging words )
Just as a explanation so you know what I meant:
As my author's notes indicate, the poem is a metaphor for my poetry and how I receive praise for it. With the Picasso part, I meant that I wouldn't recognize myself if I didn't have poetry. So if my pen ran dry, I would feel like I lost my value.
Thanks again.
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Oh, I understand now what you mean. Having your poetry is extremely important, and I know I would feel lost without mine. Thanks for explaining what it means to you.
~Amanda~
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wonderful poem especially using Picasso painting as a comparison in this piece ^^ and the first stanza is purely amazing to read =] the last line, now that was terrific
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