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Tension (an etheree)

Breathe.
What is
Happening?
Out of nowhere
Lies unfold behind
Explanations. And why
Did we ever think that this
Would work out? And why did we say
This and that when the words held no more
Meaning than they were simply meant to have?

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Tony El Great silver member
    January 21, 2008

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    This
    work is
    really great!
    Especially
    the way the last line
    sums up what the whole poem
    is trying to say about
    how the meaning can be hollow
    when we are giving someone a line,
    and not just telling them we want their bod.


  • PatheticKt
    January 19, 2008

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    the form is done right since i love form poetry and etheree is one of my faves ^^ the theme here is all so true and it's also thought provoking. all in all, a wonderful job you've done here, all right =]


  • InterzoneTypewriter
    January 18, 2008

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    Satisfyingly true

    I like the way you've conveyed the unpredictability of the situation. The shock of the emotion is fully realised in this write. Very good work from u, as always xxx


    • Mandy Pants
      January 20, 2008
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      thank you sweetness now its your turn to write something new.

  • Shadowless
    January 18, 2008

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    Great

    Great poem, I love that line, "Lies unfold behind explanations" yet hate it at the sametime for something I am going through right now with someone else. Good write.


    • Mandy Pants
      January 20, 2008
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      my poetry is usually intended to relate to as many people as possible. im glad it touched you.


  • WordsArentEnough
    January 17, 2008

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    Thank you for the definition of etheree, I would not have known. I really like it, I don't know if you intended it, but there seems to be some rhyme slipped in there. I think it represents a thought very concisely, and I am able to relate tonight. Also, the enjambment with specific syllables forming coherent sentences is pretty cool. I really like the last sentence. Good. Good. Good. Yeah...

    • Mandy Pants
      January 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thanks nick! now its your turn for a new one. or send me a list of words. actually id really appreciate that lol.


  • Metaphorist
    January 17, 2008

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    I like the first half until "explanations". The question part is a little shaky especially the second one which is very anti-climatic and overly cliche. Just being honest. Hope you're not offended. But kudos for doing a form poem


  • Mandy Pants
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    by the way, an etheree is a poem that each line has in order 1-10 syllables.

1 - 11 of 11