Dad went first,
a panicky phone call.
A hectic car ride
a body on the bathroom floor.
Never one to dilly-dally
he’d not be spending time in hospitals,
clinging to life for days or weeks
with some slow but sure death
gnawing away at him.
Mom on the other hand dragged it out,
like childbirth.
Let us know she was going.
Made us stay up all night,
talking about it.
Contemplating options given us.
So that when we made our decision,
we’d feel guilty we didn’t choose
one of those other choices given us.
Ungrateful bastards that we were!
A contest entry
- Experiment by Dienush.
3550 points, ended January 31, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Experiment: 2nd set of trophies by Dienush.
1282 points, ended February 8, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
I love the idea of it being like a childbirth - I always suspected that might be the case.
-
This is amazing. It is very raw and powerful. I love it how you add the details and the honesty to every line. Somehow, you favor the father's quick quietus instead of the mother's lasting stubborness. Also, the first two lines completely pulled me into this poem. You caught me and held me there, as if I was with these dying souls every painful step of the way. Cheers and good luck in this contest.
-
Yes, I liked this, bitten, ironic or bitter, it works.
I guess every mother must have said "You'll be sorry when I'm gone".
-
Wow, this was very intense, bitter and ironic at the same time. I think the last line is weaker than the rest of the poem but otherwise I like the day-to-day speaking tone this has, it sounds so personal and yet it has something that catches a neutral reader's attention... Love the image in
"Mom on the other hand dragged it out,
like childbirth."
Just one question - when you said, "So that when we made our discussion", did you mean decision?
I can see a lot in this poem.
As for my experiment... it's funny, I've really been thinking your style is a bit like Nicole Hanna's, but I after all I decided I don't think you're her or anyone else on the subjects list, due to a few details. I really wonder who you are
Thank you very much for your entry
~Diana
Adding your comment:
