When you reach the end
Say hello for me
When you touch the stars
You'll see what you see
I'll never get there
Poor little me
For I've a long long way to go
When your fingers reach
The heights of the world
And you look back and smile
At all you've done
All I ask is please
Spare a thought for me
For I've a long long way to go
Don't be guilty now
The prize was always yours
So comfortable and happy
And always you were sure
And when you think back
Think about me
For I've a long long way to go
As the night falls
And sleep fills my mind
Over the ocean and hills
I must climb
I'll look out for you
And you look for me
For I've a long long way to go
A contest entry
- Experiment by Dienush.
3550 points, ended January 31, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
This is pretty nice, I like the bittersweetness in your poem. The repetition of the last line in the stanzas works well, though I think it would work even better with only one "long" in it. I like how this is mostly focused around the other person's success - and then, in just a few lines, you add your own lack of confidence for your own success... that really emphasizes the message. I think the first two stanzas or so were the most poignant.
As for the experiment part of my contest, I don't think you were one of the subjects, were you?
Thank you very much for your entry
~Diana
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