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Lies & Untruths

Parting the waves of innocents,
with falsehoods and deceit.
Elevated by the emotions
when crest reaches its peak.

Venom drips from the tongue,
wrapped within crumpled lace.
A contradiction of terms,
portrayed by a beautiful face.

Misinformed mind bleeds,
soul weighed heavily in lies.
echoing the consequences
of a misleading disguise.

The silence screams so loudly,
windows to the soul are shuttered.
The sight may well be blinded,
but eyes speak truths never uttered.

Author notes

2. Windows to her Soul. By AverRal on deviantART. Let it be good.
The original prompt to this was very similar to yours, I hope you agree that it fits. If not feel free to DQ.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • stylization
    March 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    No, i think this fits. Than's for entering and i like the imagery you used. Good luck!


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Title: 10 (as this was a title option. Keep in mind however that if you chose a prompt that isn't intended as a child, I'd advise expanding on the title).
    Grammar/Punctuation: 10
    Spelling: 10
    Relativity To Prompt: 8
    Creativity: 8
    Enjoyable: 9
    Makes Sense: 10
    Vocabulary: 9

    Appropriate Length: 5
    Appropriate Line Breaks: 5
    Form (If Any) Followed: 5
    Effective Start/Ending: 5

    Total (out of 100): 94

    I enjoyed this piece. I liked the way you took the prompt and I loved your choice of words. Very emotive write here!


  • aboomer silver member
    January 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is amazing! The wording was just 'wow'! Can't pick a favorite line as I liked them all!
    good luck in your contest.


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Why can't I write like this while my muse is gone

    I loved it... so many people are deceitful and try to hide that... it's a sad reality.
    Great piece hun

  • blackened vains
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very true, very powerful write. I really like your stly of wrighting, its very descriptive, im going to add you to my favorites.


  • penman gold member
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very well done. Best of luck in the contest.


  • CherryOnTop
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What you mean your muse has left? This is masterful and good luck in the contest.


  • Trellis
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good rhyming! And a wonderful way of incorporating the phrase from the contest!

1 - 8 of 8