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wine: a parasol of love

`








Your breath
scribbles love tunes,

gives fragrance to our wine,
letting us fall out of senses --
      amour.









`

Author notes

Written January 17, 2008

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Malabu
    January 21, 2008

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    To breath of wine your lips intoxicate me...I fall further into you...and become vulnerable to your love...so this comes to me as I ponder such splender to a cinquain so elegantly written...


  • Nicolette gold member
    January 19, 2008

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    This is a great cinquain - and simply lovely! I will not even try to better my co-judge's comment - he gave a wonderful and accurate assessment of this cinquain, my friend. I like the line breaks you've applied here and the syllable count is perfect too. This cinquain paints the most delicious images in the mind. Beautiful.

    Thank you for this lovely entry.

    ~ Nicolette


  • Emerald13
    January 19, 2008
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    those first two lines are excellent - very fresh take ... nice one ! >>> Gina


  • leander Moderators member
    January 17, 2008

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    Ooh, I love the imagery and the sensuality you have captured in this lovely cinquain As well as the French word - actually gave me the visual of french kissing
    Very well done!
    Leander


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    January 17, 2008

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    This is absolutely wonderful. The first two lines are so effective and stunningly original. A whisper becomes liquid, colors, feelings. I have seen water drip in irregular ways from a parasol, and light as well, and the heart beats in irregular ways when love is approached and begins to warm inside the lover again perhaps for the tenth time that day or the first, the very first time... the 3rd and fourth lines are an elegant metaphor ... love, communion is a wine, yet when we fall out of our senses we become wise as love is wise and as communion is wise ... this is truly love.

    Thank you for submitting your beautiful art in this contest. peace ,,,Moqui


  • tara wilson gold member
    January 16, 2008

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    oh..sighs...this is so beautiful, I'll have another glass of this breathy wine! lovely cinquain, Hensley, good luck in the contest - aM


1 - 6 of 6