Sweet cherub,
open your eyes,
the beauty around you,
Don't forsake it's meaning.
Keep off the weight,
love unconditionally,
don't neglect your studies,
You cannot always be free.
The storms are coming,
but don't seek shelter,
Lightning may be scary,
but the rain is comforting.
I know it's hard,
being the youngest,
and a twin,
but if you begin,
begin teaching yourself the rhyme,
lifes rhythm will fall into place.
Sing it child,
your voice is beautiful,
don't give up,
try and try again.
You are not the sacrifice,
don't pretend to be,
no one will really need you,
excpe the boy staring back at you,
in that mirror you favor so.
I love you,
But you won't love me,
trust your instincts,
Trust in the lady and lord,
don't forget to say good bye to Mom,
and kiss her on the cheek,
there will always be chances,
but you don't want to miss the last.
A contest entry
- The Second Chance by BluesMan.
1400 points, ended February 19, 2008, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Sincere and very heart felt amazing insight for one so youg as you. You have a promising future with the written word. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck LOL Bill
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This was really nice it really sounds sincere and something i think young person should hear
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lol some lines in this really remind me of me (...don't neglect your studies...) and some lines made me really think of you (don't know if you wrote this poem about you, but hey, if you did, then good job!). Your last few poems have been, in my opinion, good, but I know that you can do better. It just feels like you're trying to say something but you can't get it out in the right words to say it
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welll...this is for me. I know it sounds that way because i'm trying out this new way of writing...(In case you didn't notice
). I'll get there. but i always have had a problem with just communicating my thoughts. it stems from my fear of sharing secrets, not with you, but just in general. My love for many people hasn't been known because i've never told them, i don't share my life with many people. I'm too scared to. This poem was actually very personal in that respect. It was something I've never done. I've never mentioned my anxiety about my weight, or how i truly feel about myself to ANYONE. i try to keep a smiley face so no one really knows i'm actually withered up on the inside. I can be feeling hopeless, and truly appear to be optimistic and even perky. I have a lot of anxiety and a very reclusive personality. So keep that in mind for our conversations .
Now, with that said, thank you for the critique. I do appreciate it. and your honesty especially. I hate when people just ell me something i wrote is good because they don't want to hurt my feelings, as much as i appreciaite that.
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