As I feel so complete my lady love
Your naked skin is so inviting now
Fly with me M’lady as if a dove
For we have heights to reach within somehow.
Allow me now to gaze within your heart
For M’lady our roots grow deep this night
Your nakedness gives to me such a start
And your desire gives the room such a light
As we make love this night, imagine this
Our love we feel together, is a dream
A dream we know can be with so much bliss
And more, M’lady, now we build our theme!
Let’s love each other as we best know how
Then later dream the dreams of love just now.
© Jonathan Wikkins, January 16, 2008
All rights reserved
In a list
A contest entry
- I rarely sleep in any clothing... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
400 points, ended January 30, 8 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Beautiful
Penned with such feelings, sensual yes, yet love overflows in the brilliance of words..
Then later dream the dreams of love just now.
I adore that last line... sighs
Julie
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Beautiful and very well worded
A very passionate and sexy write
Wonderful job congrates on the HM
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well done
i loved it thanks for sharing
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That's cool Jonathan, isn't it nice when the loving is so good you dwell on it afterward; it's a theme you don't hear often about: how we log such times in the memory scrapbook in our mind.
. Rewarded 4
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Firstly, thank you for your wonderful comment on Libation Kiss!
I love this, it's so tacitile and soft. Very tasteful and beautifully written!
I noticed your pagan!
Blessed Be Brother!
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Beautifully done, I've never tried my hand at a sonnet myself. I'm not sure I could carry that off, but it seems you have quite lovely indeed
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Thats a beautiful piece you have yourself there. Love can be an amazing thing at times. I must try one of these when my muse decides to come home. Lovely job.
Natalia
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as if a dove -> 'as if we were doves'? The sigular and lack of adverb bothered me a bit.
as all one block of text, I was hoping for a stanza break to breathe between the lines
sweet!
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hey, thanks for the comment on "dreams, a sonnet" just remember one thing, it's a shakesperean sonnet, no breaks between lines, 10 syllables per line, understood but not seen stanzas - 4,4,4,2 lines each, with the first three rhyming every other line, with the last stanza rhyme!
mike
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Wow this was really a good one that is for sure.
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And more, M’lady, now we build our theme!
Let’s love each other as we best know how
Then later dream the dreams of love just now.
Ah..this is a beautiful scenario brought as a poetic venture..well done... -
Interesting entry. ...made me remember something you wrote about a shower many moons ago!
m -
A sonnet, a fine sonnet indeed
This is marvelous. The flow is seamless and the sentiment expressed so well makes me yearn for more sonnets. Perhaps from your pen?
Tecohe
. Rewarded 4
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Your sonnet is clearly a personal message to your partner/lover – though it is not clear whether your dreams are those brought on by blissful afterglow or via an unrequited longing. Strophe 4 is at odds with your opening line and needs a re-think (as this is where the confusion starts). Its style is archaic (actually well suited to the sonnet – as the form certainly has its history!) and that adds to the romance of the piece. You have certainly paid attention to your iambic feet and rhyming pattern, and in the main, this adherence to form works well. However, there is some word repetition between lines 5 and 9 (night; gives; such a) that jars somewhat, introducing a chug and a clunk that would best be eliminated.
Due to its personal, diary-esque nature, your Dreams may struggle to find solace in the souls of others, though I’m sure your partner will thrill with these words. I think there’s more honing and moaning to be done before a wider audience can react similarly.
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This didn't flow too well for me..couldn't find myself getting in to it...perhaps some word changes would make this soar more..
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This is a very sweet piece. Excellent work.
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