Oh! for those autumn days of fun
When jack frost came upon the scene
And nipped your nose while leaves of green
Began to tinge in the autumn sun.
The pungent scent of burning brair
Assailing the nostrils from a woodland fire
The plaintif cry of a speckled thrush
Pecking at the berries of a hawthorn bush
A little red robin chipping away
Seeking out the worms from the leafy debris
Whilst the blackbird cries a lonely one
Now alas that her brood have gone
Neath the dying rays of the setting sun
Alighting on the forest bed
Revealing to all, with a soul at all
A carpet of gold and red.
A contest entry
- Sharing Seasons Without Warmth & Wonder~Quote & Colour Theme by Blue Rew.
1088 points, ended April 23, 2008, 10 entries
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450 points, ended May 29, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
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Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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thank you for entering
Revealing to all, with a soul at all
A carpet of gold and red. <-- love these lines
good luck and thanks for entering, a really
great piece =]
-penguin- -
lovely poem! There's a seasonal contest going on by Violistrings - you should enter that!
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Thank you for bringing Autumn alive with such beauty, good luck in my contest, Josie
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Poetryintheblood
Many Thanks for your kind comments on "Autumn days of fun" glad you liked it Best Wishes and Kindest Regards George ++++
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tehe, jack frost ftw!
=P
good work + good luck.
=] -
very strong work. good word choice. nice imagery. Very soft spoken in a way tho. good job&good luck
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good firm poem,like the effort of word usage in this imaginery is good, thank you for this entry, good luck
Lin
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The pungent scent of burning "brair"?"
Alighting on the forest bed
Revealing to all, with a soul at all
A carpet of gold and red.
I have pasted the least likeable things (to me)
brair for wrongly spelt
and the ending for repetition.
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tarcus
Thanks for your"new brush sweeps clean" approach to commenting. Firstly "Brier" and "Briar" (as I have pointed out previously to other critics) in "Collins English Dictionary" both are correct.I have altered the typo's
plus thermometer in "Jack Frost".If I have time I will
comment on one of yours later.George U.K.
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THIS IS GORGEOUS!!! I love Autumn...it is my favorite season. You have captured the essence of all I adore here. Thank you so much! Best of luck to you!
Az -
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aslyn
Many Thanks for your kind comments on"Autumn Days" Az
Glad you liked it.Best Wishes George ++++
P.S. I also wrote one called "Autumn".
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Exquisite. This is one of my favourite times of year, and you've captured it perfectly- I can almost smell that clean autumn air. A masterpiece!
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
Nice write!Good luck in my contest!~
signed confused -
Good luck in my contest.
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It reminds me of happy times. Which have not been many. When they happen we cherish them. It helps me at this time to remember good times. One feels the moment come alive in your words. It gives one hope of happy times may return some day.
Thank you -
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earthstar
Glad I was able to cheer you up a bit with "Autumn Days
May I wish you a Bright and happy future something to look
forward to. Kind Regards George
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Rich in imagery, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Poetryintheblood
Glad "Jack Frost" arrived in time.Best Wishes, Many Thanks and Kindest Regards to Josie & Kiarna.George ++++ -
Whispernthedark
Many Thanks for your kind comments on"Autumn Days of Fun"
Best Wishes George++++
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Beautifully descriptive of autumn joys! Love "the pungent scent of burning briar" and "plaintif cry of a speckled thrush"! Great imagery, "pecking at the berries of a hawthorn bush." Solemn "dying rays of the setting sun." Lovely write!
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mirthryl
Many Thanks for your kind appraisal of my
Autumn Days Of Fun sorry about the brair
typo strangly enough "Eternal Devotion" wanted me to spell it with an "e" they are both correct in "Collin's English Dictionary"
I posted one called "Autumn" previously
everyone seems to confuse them.
Thanks again and Best Wishes
P.S.I used the word tinged to illustrate
how the edges of the leaves go red initionally before spreading over the whole leaf
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You're right, tinged works well for that!
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This is a spritely piece...
sending the reader bouncing through the glory
of autumn's glow. I felt the rhyme was done well
and the imagery came through wonderfully with the
words chosen. I will note that the colours here
are completely different than those of the theme
and the quote does not seem to apply to the verse.
Wonderful to read this positive piece & enjoy.
Blue
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Lovely poem... enjoyed reading.
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Manoj Sanyal
Many thanks for your kind comments on Autumn days
very much appreciated (not one of my better poems)Try "Little Girl" it's a lot better.I'l go on you're patch
later on George.!!!
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Very Well Written
I love the gold and red carpet it is so true to the fall season. The imagery is great in your poem. I could smell the fire of burning briar. So many wonderful scenes to be found in the Autumn time of year. -
Real Nice.
I like the immages you portray in your poem. The essence of Autumn is one of the nicest times of the year. With the colorful leaves and the smell of burning leaves. We always miss the wildlife as they depart for warmer climates, but know that they will return in time.You have captured all this very well.
I hope that you don't mind if I point out a couple of mistakes you have made.
O!, should be Oh!
Line five the word brair should be brier.
Line nine the word chipping should be chirping.
I really enjoyed reading this very much it is a good poem.
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