ice swirls
outside my window-
fire crackles
A contest entry
- The Technique of Contrast by azure85.
780 points, ended February 1, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Sounds like winter alright...
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This conveys a very warm feel kind of a rampart from the cold. Well done
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ice swirls
outside my window-
fire crackles
Thank you for entering our haiku workshop. I think that you have written a excellent haiku with this one. I have no suggestions and actually, if it were mine, I would not change a single word. -
swirls of ice
outside my window-
the fire crackles
Nice contrast and sense of security and warmth. Maybe line one should be 'ice swirls' - to contrast even more with 'fire crackles'. It's just a word thing
Alan
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thanks!
I like your suggestion- It's funny how when someone suggests something and you see it, it seems so obvious.
qt
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Very Nice
gotta love a helluva great poem like this one and the commtor is correct and I agree your beginning and end are incredible and well the middle is just setting us up beautifully. nice work and keep it up
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Welcome to our haiku workshop!
swirls of ice
outside my window-
the fire crackles
A winter time haiku, and I think the images are very good. I like the contrasts in L 1 & 3, I think it is fine as is, good sense of sound in L3. Thank you so much!
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