the bedside clock is
trying to tell me something
in jitters of panting and slapping
a haunting madness
between eyelid moments
you, the reader, approaching
opening tunnels underneath the
skin, a rotting wet fruit
in dreams
hope comes in orange
relationships between extremes of
hot and cold for you, darling
beaten, devoured, and finally,
understood
Author notes
it kinda jumps around, so any ideas about cohesion are appreciated
Any suggestions?
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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alot of different approaches to this poem lol but i like it just because its simple and able to be followed i thought that when an alarm clock goes off in the morning its like ahh shut up lol but they never do and if yu shut them up someone else always comes along so its just like bugger it ill get up lol
i loved it well done -
Coffee and OJ I love it!!!
I like the way you put it, don't want to get out of bed but the coffee and oj will be their when u do...wake up brother.. I liked it.
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funny how we interpret those dreams that lay in the back our minds where understanding leaves one wanting...
Interesting work my friend!
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
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Hey,
I liked the beginning, there was a really nice pattern being formed, but then it stops. As a matter of fact, for something that is in free verse there is a lack of organization or coherence. In effect, this would have made a better story than a poem. -
you, the reader, approaching
is what line i emant as i am misspelling etc
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i like the clock idea to begin with - i had one the other day that was bugging me, i couldn't figure out in my mad head state how to turn it off with the beep every hour! gyess what happened to the clock lol 0 but then in the second verse you mention the reader which i thought took away from the poem with its raw feeling. tyhe final verse called it back a little but im was already taken away with that second verse, my suggestiion for this is to eliminate the reder words and let it flow naturally
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I really liked your poem. Your imagry is vivid and you leave the meaning up to the reader. The ending may be too defining and tidy. Is it really understood? With everything else so open ended you almost appear glib. Good job. Keep working on it!
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i like this poem..i think how its described makes me enjoy it...i think my favorite part is ...
"in dreams
hope comes in orange
relationships between extremes of
hot and cold for you, darling
beaten, devoured, and finally,
understood"
i just really enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more of your work
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Good projection ...
and personification, where poet became part of time and time part of the (sensual) bedroom scenes ... and even the reader is allowed into the vulnerability of passionate decay ...
Orange is an interesting color: it determines the health of kidneys ... also: it reflects independence, creativity, braveness and love of the self ... each and everyone of these may enhance in time, the pendulum of extremes, in order for interpersonal relationships to let seconds tick in the full hour of happiness and understanding.
Thank you, Kevin, much here for the reader to assimilate.
Allpoetry Salute
Myra
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I like that it jumps around.
The very ending reminds me of a poem I just wrote tonight XD
Love 'approaching
opening tunnels underneath the
skin, a rotting wet fruit', perfect imagery.
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niceeeeeee! love it its really great keep it up!
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"in dreams hope comes in orange"
that's the best line -
A little confusing
I've been meaning to check out some of your work for weeks now but always seem to get side tracked, this poem I thought I knew what it was about from the title but half way through I'm not sure if I was getting it. Your right, it does kinda jump around a bit. To me it seems like you're in that moment when you're just starting to wake up, or just waking from a dream. It probably could do with a bit more work to make it clear what you're trying to say. Anyway thanks for putting together this site, and I will read more from you when I can. -
I've been meaning to stop by for some time now and have a peek at your work.
I needed to read this twice in order to make some sense of it ~ and even then I found my visualisation and comprehension weren't working together
... must just be me! I see by their comments that others have appeared to get it. Not unusual in the least, I'm afraid!
I guess I get confused (after a very clever and refreshingly different introdution to the theme ~ well done) in line six, when the reader is suddenly brought into the scene. The reason for this doesn't seem clear, but maybe I'm just being thick or pedantic ~ or both!
I'd really love to be able to understand this poem...
BTW, multitudinous "thank you"s for creating this excellent platform for poets around the globe. All hail to you, Sir!
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Well! It's a good peace.
It's rather short but I suppose it makes it's point.
Let's see, I'll simply leave you with my interpretations. Someone such as yourself, perhaps metaphorically as anxious as the clock, awaiting the viewpoint of the reader.
You've said yourself that you're a large fan of poetry, this poem conveys a sort of nervous anticipation. Realizing that the reader you speak of may come of all backgrounds, a heart as cold as stone, or a heart as warm and soft as a butterfly. Realizing the various perceptions.
I have to call this brilliant to a certain extent, because I had to read it a few times to draw what I think is the appropriate conclusion, so good work. -
You kind of grabbed my attention by the emotions you shared in this work here Kevin! I liked the visual words presented. THANKS KEVIN!!
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that brought me mixed emotions......the passing time mixing dreams and reality...nice poem
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it is rely good
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What I got out of this.
The alarm goes off, being ignored for a while( trying )to tell you to WAKE UP , in jitters of panting and slapping: this makes me think that because your not heeding the alarm clocks 'warning' it becomes enfrenzied. like an alarm clock on a tv cartoon when it dances and moves aroung begging for someone to pay attention to it.a haunting madness: this makes me think of how we feel during the few split seconds between realizing we were asleep, but not really awake yet. the time when were very vulnerable, and when we feel that anxiousness.a haunting madness: fear, but of what ? you don't know, which is why you have the fear and jitters in the first place, because your not alert yet. Answer- it's the clock, silly. the clock and it's alarming sound, that drives you MAD. Thats what caused the jitters, the anxiousness, the few seconds of fear, the feeling of a warning signal. the clock and it's annoying, blasting into a serene, peaceful place, your dream. well, i've wastes enough of your space, let me know, if and when you ever read this, if I was totally off, or what ? I personally thought this was so much more than just a quick 'GOOD POEM DUDE' write. there is so much depth in this poem, i wonder if anyone else realizes just how much of a wonder this poem is. AWESOME. maybe i'll finish analizing it for myself , if its ok with you ??? blesssings Dora7 -
I really liked the first two or three lines. Very good grabber for the starting. It does jump around, but I kind of liked it! It almost worked in a sense...Well done!!
Mylee -
fantabulous
'a haunting madness
between eyelid moments'
this line has to be my favourite; it holds a lot of emotion for me, yet a lot of depth also. like.. its like... so much can happen in the blink of the eye, thats what it sayd to me.and like, yeah.. wow. i love the extremes also, very nice contrasts, even though so simple. amazing darling
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oh sometimes the clock is a blessing when it intrudes on our dreams. but then others it just shifts things to the weird or scary. lol
oh my the rotting wet fruit line gave me the chills.
Love it
I like the way this jumps around gives it that morning half in and out of sleep effect. At least for me.
Delila
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I like how you bring the clock to life and "hope comes in orange" appeals to me too for some reason. . .I don't know why
The second part of the poem is a little criptic so I'm not sure how to intertwine the two. . .but maybe it is a poem that is more for the poet in that way than for the reader...
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exelent really like it. what inspired you do this? it's very interesting and unique beautiful!
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I think it's trying to tell you to wake up, Kevin At least that's how it effects me when I want to stay asleep but can't stay still long enough for me to throw it across the room
Seriously... I think your poem is good just the way it is... I mean, after all, Kev, who's cohesive when they're half asleep
Dee
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Excellent
Well, it stayed still long enough for me to read it, so I guess it is a darn good write. Actually, I think it just fine as it is. -
Orange sun beams..to me...relationships fluctuate..'hot and cold' betimes 'beaten' and 'devoured'...then maybe some light...an illuminated thought...and it is 'understood'...Very good write..thoughtfully provoking...Hugs Lib x x
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powerful, flows extremily well
nice job man
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I have read this many times and now feel as though i can put reason to your words...to me orange is the beauty of sunlight light...softness and growth.... so to be understood by the ones we love is to go from cold to hot and then softly grow together...a new relationship to make one whole
niaish for sharing!
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I am at a loss... So I will send this message to you...
I must read it again...
~ James ~ -
'hope comes in orange'.
My best friend, someone as special as she is to me - no other way to try to describe the bond we share -, to me, she is orange. Not in colour, or any other physical way, just orange. I'm not sure why, and I never understood how she could be orange when my eyes didn't see her that way. There was never any cliche view of her comfort bringing warmth that felt orange, I don't see that way.
She came through my hope and was orange to me (It's quite a pale shade).
I wondered about this for a long time, and I realised why she was orange (the story, to you, is worthless). By my thoughts I was 'beaten, devoured, and finally, understood'
Not much of a relevent comment, I suppose, but then I expect most comments that mean more than the simple 'I like this' seem relevent, so perhaps it's worth reading the irrelevent thought provoked by your words.
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I love this!!!
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A rude awakening perhaps?...those orange relationships should be in pale pink, passion fruit rather than peachI rather enjoyed this even though I did not completely understand it.
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i like Hope comes in orange.
and making the last word Understood makes it really stand out.
good write. -
this is a very interesting work .. it is simply not finished yet, a work in progress which needs very little to bring the three elements together :
the bedside clock is
trying to tell me something
in jitters of panting and slapping
YOUR FIRST STANZA, AN AWAKENING, TIME, SUDDEN NEW ENVIRONMENT jitters, panting, slapping .... as though startled, but the noun and two gerunds imply much more so you go on to the needed 'much more':
a haunting madness
between eyelid moments
you, the reader, approaching
opening tunnels underneath the
skin, a rotting wet fruit
YOUR SECOND STANZA, UPON TRYING TO AWAKEN, DISORIENTATION, EYELID MOMENTS ARE THE REM BEING RETROFITTED AWAY FROM ITS SOURCE, YOUR DREAM, OR YOUR MIND, AND WHEN REM IS DISTURBED, JUST FOR AN INSTANT AND WE AWAKEN WE BECOME AS A SCHIZOPHRENIC, OF SORTS, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT IS REAL AND WHAT IS THE DREAM WHICH WE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW WE HAD UNTIL WE BEGIN TO BE CONFUSED...the awakening is a form of insightful madness, we feel we have become soft in our world, a rotting fruit, .... the orange, for instance, is very susceptible to inner problems of swelling and rot, yet look beautiful on the outside, but inside it feels its own degeneration, or unhappiness ... so now the path must be followed further, and you continue to the third stanza:
in dreams
hope comes in orange
relationships between extremes of
hot and cold for you, darling
beaten, devoured, and finally,
understood
your 'darling' is perhaps you, or your loved one, or the reader, and you use this term to give the poem less parameter of who you refer to and this is good because the poem is a metaphore for contemplation upon awakening from the sublime wisdom of sleep ... it speaks for itself, when taken in context with the first two stanzas.
the poem only needs a link between the first and second stanza, one line perhaps and all the rest will follow because it is already there .
peace ,,,Moqui
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I got lost too...
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i got confused it sounded good tough
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orange relationships between extremes of hot and cold
that's so beautiful. this whole poem is beautiful. i think it flows together pretty well, too. -
this poem makes sense to me it is powerful at least from what i take from it. to me the last stanza says that you can try many times before you succed at somthing
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What I'm reading is;Rude awakening maybe. Duty calling and you wish it wouldn't? Ero undertones maybe too. It's certainly one mysterious ponder. Ha! And Poetry was meant to enjoy doing just that,pondering thoughts. So,it works for me.
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the first stanza,for me, was the best. the rest is very out there yet compelling...peace Terry
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