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fresh from the factory

tipping over, peel
the film from your hands
feel the need to make words
feel the passion of love swell
and finally become human

Whatcha think?

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • offlimits gold member
    September 19
    Edit | Reply
    i love the way you show the love through the words well done

  • Lowercase Prelude gold member
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    A+ poetry right here

    "feel the passion of love swell
    and finally become human "

    I love that part. Captures such a picture for the mind to collect.


  • artis gold member
    June 30

    Edit | Reply

    wow, mass produced people, pored from a kiln of pre-mordial soup,

    shrink wrapped, and able to free themselves from the machine. This paints quite a mechanically penciled picture in just a few words, perhaps we may see a full production of the above said.~~~Artis


  • nilav
    June 19
    Edit | Reply
    words ,passion and humanity ...this is poetry..you said it again

  • Guardian of Shadows
    June 7
    Edit | Reply
    I liked it. Easy words, for some of us slow peoples And, simply put. Nice job. :]


  • Nicedreams
    June 5

    Edit | Reply
    this is brill.
    you made simple words highly deep and meanigful
    kinda reminds me of my english teacher
    he says poetry is what makes us human, and i agree
    keep it up
    stephanie


  • mrs. random silver member
    May 27

    Edit | Reply
    The first line made me think of someone slipping on a bananna peel and that kind of ruined my seriousness and attention to read the poem in depth good write

    Mylee

  • mamajoey
    May 27
    Edit | Reply

    10

    very relatable. this is how i imagine my husband feels.


  • TwilightPanther gold member
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    walking through all obstacles, peeling away the unneeded, becoming the words that softly flow, and finally swelling with the passion that's makes us all human...sighs...i really enjoyed, niaish my friend for sharing your words with me


  • Jamesleelong37 gold member
    March 24
    Edit | Reply

    Yup!

    Agreed... For me to know this... Driven I will have the need to be open to know a new freedom... and through my writing I am helped along a little more to let go... To embrace the joy of being human...

    Great and profound pronunciation of the truth my friend...

    Well written...

    God bless you and maintain you in your freedom...

    I loved it!

    ~ James ~


  • Dienush Greeters member
    February 1

    Edit | Reply
    This is a lovely poem. The title uses alliteration very well and I like the artificial feel to it because it comes in contrast with the very human, emotional message of the poem, emphasizing it. The brevity of this makes it sound very powerful. I'm a little unsure about the third line, though, as "feel" is repeated twice in only five lines and in the third one I don't think it's that necessary. Otherwise, I really like this. Especially "peel the film from your hands".


  • Mystal LaRose
    January 24
    Edit | Reply
    this is good short to the point has a lot of meaning amazing
1 - 13 of 13