You put your plastic wrap on love
Just so it won't decay
But this is it, it's too late now
The maggots got in anyway
The saddest song can't comfort
With no reason as to why
The butterflies are all locked up
And nothing seems to pacify
Now you're just a flower girl
Picking beauty from within
Taking all the glory out
Replacing it with sin
Annihilate the virtue
And then drain out all that's right
Detriment the grace in you
Let the dark dispel the light
The dirt just seems so harrowing
As worms crawl through your chest
Squirming, feeding on your hope
Dementing all the rest
Pull out the serenity;
The needles and the pins
You're just a little flower girl
Enhancing all your sins
Picking out the good for her
She's feeding on her prey
Can't ask her to stop killing you
For when you beg she'll say:
I'm sorry my darling,
Your pleading won't do
Your chances are gone
And your nightmares came true
Author notes
January 14, 2008.... This is about me and my girlfriend's relationship... she cheats... I stay with her. I just can't leave... I know she's using me. I know what's going on, but I just CAN'T leave. I'm not respecting myself. I'm pulling all that's good out of myself. I'm picking flowers from my soul...
This was also inspired by two songs:
"Putting holes in Happiness" by Marilyn Manson
and
"Ghostflowers" by Otep
For the contest: 14) write anything else you can think of on cheating and/or love
For the other contest:
ANYTHING
---------
Write me anything you want. It MUST be powerful, it has to be able to reduce a man to tears and it must be the most heartfelt and touching thing you have ever written.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Cheating World Of Un-Answered Questions by gothicchildren05.
875 points, ended February 19, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES GALLORE ~!~!~! by Naridill.
800 points, ended January 31, 172 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME (Now 20,000+) Part 9a Feelings by cricketjeff.
1500 points, ended January 29, 43 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If words were as bitter as you. by Naridill.
450 points, ended January 28, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Heartbreaks, Loneliness, and the Dearly Departed. by Star-of-David.
450 points, ended February 17, 37 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES!!!!!! by Luminescence.
450 points, ended March 5, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Dark Writes Here (Series - II) by Midnight-x-Rose.
1500 points, ended March 27, 105 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 100 or more!!! by Laura Lamarca.
450 points, ended April 19, 6 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by Midnight-x-Rose.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2146 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything you want by Maximum.
600 points, ended September 10, 252 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites by hiraeth.
300 points, ended October 1, 173 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 58 of 58
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Very haunting and traumatizing... It's so hurtful when someone does something liek this to us and just rips us apart, making us just not want to go on anymore, just wanting to take the pain away, because they promised they'd enver do it but they did! Nicely done.
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wow.... I just got inspired for a poem while reading this.... lol just to let you know I'm gonna steal one of your thoughts. The idea of plastic wraping love is intresting.
Great poem. I really enjoyed reading it and I'm sorry that you are going through this. What I would say is that leave the girl, because you CAN ALWAYS find someone better. (Especially with the talent that you have in your writings... use it. and wow someone else. One that won't use and abuse you. I know that you are better than she is.)
Thank you for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck.
~Lumin -
"Now you're just a flower girl
Picking beauty from within
Taking all the glory out"
I love that line~ wow I don't know what to say... guess now that you realize what's the problem you'll do what you must when you're strong enough to accept reality and move on? I don't know... but I believe you will (it is hard because nothing is ever black or white)... best wishes...
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Heartfelt poem, well constructed and definitely in the right place with the theme of feelings! Good to see HMs from all sorts of different poets even this late in the series.
We both enjoyed this poem a lot and hope to see you again in the finale.
Jeff and Sue
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Okay, very close to the reducing a man to tears bit I wrote about. Spot on on the heartfelt front. I can relate to you on many levels, especially with the staying and knowing you're being used.
This is simply a genious piece of writing, and it has definitely touched me. I shall be adding this to my favourites list, I like it that much.
The very best of luck in the contest.
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This is a true work of art! Amazing! I love the 3rd and 4th stanzas a lot. Very nicely written! I enjoyed reading it very much!
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Clearly amazing!
beautifully written and generaly lovely!
xXxXx
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This is an amazing poem. I love the choice of words. I couldn't have done better myself.
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Crazy what you put yourself through when you love a person, not cool she's being unfaithful though Very beautifully penned.
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I love the language you use. However, the capitalization oeach line and lack of punctuation perturbs me a little. Still, it's up to your personal preference.
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This is really good. I love the beginning
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Wow its breath-takingly beautiful
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Great
I feel you've done a good job with this poem in telling the story of your unfaithful love. I would, however, change the first line in the last stanza. "I'm sorry," just doesn't feel right -- I would go with something like "Too bad, my darling," or something like that.
The theme of the poem is sad, the cheating lover. But, I would suggest to you that you are in the process of falling out of love with her. You're going through the hurt and anger of breaking up and you are using your feelings to justify hardening your heart toward her. As well you should.
You are right, you are not respecting yourself -- or her for that matter. But putting up with being treated like that, you send the message that it is OK to cheat and that is not good for either of you. You need to have someone in your life who treats you with the same respect with which you would treat them. Wouldn't it be nice to be with someone who thinks about your feelings and takes care of you?
But, of course I'm just telling you something you already know.
Good poem.
CaliOkie
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Nice
Nice one, I would shorten it, though, the last part "I'm sorry..." does not fit. Words like "anyway", I would take out, too, but overall your wording is poetic and noble. Try to tell a story like in the beginning, and tell it to the end, don't give advice as to how she should act... just tell us what happened to her, whether she found true love like Elisa Doolittle...
Good Luck!
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Some brilliant phrasing you have produced from this ache. I love the way you wrote certain parts and the flow is beautiful. I am a little iffy with the rhyme, some parts seem overly forced but other bits perfect.
I would've loved to see it in free-verse, for more effect and personal attachment.
p.s love the authors notes. -
it truly shows the side of the one who is being cheated on and now I know a little more how my fiance felt. they do say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but sometimes I hope and wish that that isn't true. it's just hard from both point of views. I am sorry that your girlfriend keeps cheating on you....and I hope things get better for you and her. my fiance has not left my side and we are trying to work it out. so, hopefully you and your girlfriend can work things out. my best regards and hopes are sent. thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck.
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hurray
great use of imagery throughout the whole thing. i couldn't find anything i didn't like. if i had to say something, it might flow slightly better if you made each line of the all stanzas have the same number of syllables . i love the concept behind this, it was so much more powerful to me when i read the author's notes and re red the poem. great job :]
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smartly written with so many
stanza's and imagery to enjoy! Your heart really poured out the words. I hope you hear them speak powerfully
to you. So can find the courage to love yourself more,
and value all that makes YOU so very precious to this
world. I used to wonder why...or if it was true that
"nice girls ...really do come in last...now that i'm
52 years old, the nice girls still have loved ones in
their life, and are not bitter and old hearted.
YOU Will LOVE Strong as the words in your heart, do not
settle for anything less then the treasure you ARE!!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) you sure opened my heart poet!
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LOVE IT
it is so amazing. My friend has similar problems too, but this poem is so emotional, the writing is superb. I am in ah of it. i give you 3 thumbs up.
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Great write!
Wow. I really liked this a lot. "Plastic wrap on love." That's a brilliant way of putting it. So many of us try to do that, but it never works out in the end. I loved every bit of your poem. I think you did a wonderful job of expressing yourself. I really wish you the best of luck with your relationship, and that hopefully you'll make the decisions that are best for you. Don't let all of the good get pulled out of yourself.
Keep up the great writing!
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and you still have the power to do want you WANT TO DO
whether you realize it prior to it or not, you actually WANT out, not just need to be in a better situation, bit you want something better for yourself than this!
the simple fact that you'll be alright outside of this if so hard to grasp, i know, but you'll never know until you act.
i want you to find a book, The Way of The Peaceful Warrior. if you get a chance to read it, dont do it in one night. take a week at least, between life, between the chaotic times, getting through the pages and actually THINKING OVER TRUE LIFE CONCEPTS, you'll survive ANYTHING.
this book changes lives, because if you're OPEN and WILLING, you will know unreasonable happiness-
and your gateway to sanity, regardless the situation!!!!!!
~Hannah
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This poem is awesome! I liked how you used maggots and how you wrote about the plastic wrap around love...
Love is so frail. Sometimes, even steel can't save it.
I wish you luck in your own relationship and may you choose the best choice. :]
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I LOVE IT:]]
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Interesting way of putting love in its place. I hope that's what you were shooting for I never can tell. Oh well to each his/her own. I too am in love with someone but I can't move on from them either. Love is a real bitch but it's what we want from life.
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This was incredibly dark and rich. I love it!
I'm sorry about your situation, I'd tell you that you need to leave her, move on, but you already know that. At least this beautiful piece of writing came from it, not I expect that to be particularly consoling right now.
xXx
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very nice, i got kinda lost but I read the author notes and I understood it. Great work. I hope things get better for you two.
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This poem is really good (:
I like the way you can read it and understand it, then when you read your notes it takes on another, deeper meaning.
Good job! =]
xxx
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It's a very well done poem, although somethings seemed a little forced..Great job!
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Picking out the good for her
She's feeding on her prey
Can't ask her to stop killing you
For when you beg she'll say:
I'm sorry my darling,
Your pleading won't do
Your chances are gone
And your death wish came true
this is the part i liked most of all from this poem.
This poem is very emotional and beutiful i love it!
Great Job!
Keep up the good work
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amazing! beautiful! ...i love the flow, the rhythm and the rhyme. ..the wording sounds lovely and you get a clear picture in your mind.. although i must admit i didn't get that it was about your relationship until you mentioned so in your authors notes. but in anycase it really was beautiful.
Candace
PS. good choice of background and colour! -
This poem is beautiful. I love the song Putting Holes in Happiness and this poem reminded me of the song. Great work.
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Frikin' awesome!
I loved the second stanza:
"The saddest song can't comfort
With no reason as to why
The butterflies are all locked up
And nothing seems to pacify"
Great work.
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wow.... that is actually very beutiful.... I think you have a real talent here.... please inform me when you write another
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very nice
i really like it. the rhyme is great, and you can tell while reading it that there is deep emotion behind the words... and you need to find ways to get self-esteem for yourself... a hobby or an activity you enjoy doing are great ways to help...
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The was powerful and darkly morbid. It has imaginary and emotion, though at some points the flow seemed a little forced. Fix that thoug hand your good to go.
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really good. it is REALLY good. seriously.
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Awesome
very good write - has the emotion needed - based on real feelings which is a must in my book - you paint a picture that is vivid - how one person can kill another - either emotionally or literally -
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really good
i liked this poem i thought it was very good great job. -
This is powerful. I like the first 2 stanzas best. The poem has such imagery, I have pictures of it all in my mind now.
Love and light,
Jenna
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*mouth to floor*
Ohoh this was amazing, gross a little but that's what made it interesting lol and I couldn't help reading it!!!
Fantastic job!
-Eli xxxx
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wow
this poems seems to really explain what you're trying to get at. it's really beautiful yet sad. i wish you the best of luck. no one should be with someone who cheats on them like that. i understand you love her, but if she can't respect your relationship enough to be with only you, then something is obviously wrong. -
I love this one! After reading your notes, the piece took on a whole new lite. This is great! Someone else said, "If you love someone set it free, If they come back it was meant to be." Sometimes we have to set them free, because it best for our own mental health, as well as physical.
Ok, I am beginning to rant.... Sorry.
Great job on this one.
Best of luck in this contest!
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this is really great
i havent read any like this in a while and i love the metaphor
(or simile?idk my poetreh grammars bad)
but yeah this is really good
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I really really liked this, when I read the notes it got a whle new meaning so I went back and read it all over again. In a couple of point the rhythm just slips up but its nothing a good re-read and the addition or taking away of a couple of words here and there wouldn't fix. For example, the first stanza
"You put your plastic wrap on love
Just so it won't decay
But this is it, it's too late now
The maggots got in anyway"
If you take out the word 'the' from the last line i think that part jsut flows better.
Another thing I liked was how you changed the meter in the last stanza, he part that was meant to be speech. It threw me a bit the first time I read it but I think its the right move because it subtly draws attention to that part and marks it out as different (her voice, not yours) Actually its pretty clever to use different meter/styles for when different people are talking. I like that very much.
Anyway, sorry to cluttering your comment box, take care xxx
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Ohwow.
I really like this. It just flows and it's absolutely beautiful. 'Can really feel the emotions pouring out from this. Simple wording, but strong message.
=)
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This is a very very sad piece of work. Deep emotion runs through it. It is dark and filled with foreboding of what might come in the future. Your writing is very good. Keep it up. You have talent.
All the best
Wayne Leon
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You have so much talent. You also seem to have a huge heart and love for her. "I you love something set it free if it comes back to you it was meant to be" sometimes we have to let the ones we love the most go to keep love and respect for ourselves. if its true love she'll come back.
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i like it!
i really like this, the imagery and the connotations in the language you used - brilliant. my only suggestions would be to take out the "then" in the fourth stanza to make the rhyme flow easier and maybe add a syllable, like just or something, in the second line of the last stanza. but other than that, it was awesome! great write
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Sweety, I do feel your pain in this...I have been there, and it hurts like Hell...I am sorry your heart is aching right now, but I assure you, all will heal in time, just move on and don't look back...
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I forgot these. ^_^
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"I'm sorry my darling,
Your pleading won't do
Your chances are gone
And your death wish came true"
Very touching. I am sorry about your "relationship", if you can call it that anymore. PLEASE don't take that the wrong way. I loved your piece.
Good Luck.
Faithfully Your's
Of Blood and Tear -
i love this
its a great mental pictures and i see you also like good music
great job
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This is a really good piece of writing, very emotive and something I can relate to in a way. You have a beautiful way with words.
"You put your plastic wrap on love
Just so it won't decay
But this is it, it's too late now
The maggots got in anyway"
I love those lines. Well done x
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AMAZING
This is so beautiful and flows so great! Very nice!
I was so drawn in and didnt want it to end, but when it did the impact was POWERFUL! One of the best writes ive seen in a long time!
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Oh wow. The flow of this poem is practically flawless! Great vocabulary; it really enhances the deep emotions this poem brings out in the reader. I really loved the lines
"Taking all the glory out
Replacing it with sin"
Great write, and good luck in the contest! -
its beautiful well done
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love it
"Pull out the serenity;
The needles and the pins
You're just a little flower girl
Enhancing all your sins"
great job
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This was a beautiful but disturbing poem, I mean that in a good way though. This had wonderful flow and i really liked it! thanks for entering!!! good luck!
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