There's little sense in such expense,
But still the blaze persists
Within the cave: my heart, my grave,
Where love never desists.
A graceful mien that, seldom seen,
Yet lights upon my dreams,
And haunts my mind, until I find
An end to tearing seams,
For love, for grace! her saintly face,
It rips my soul to bits.
This Hell, this fire, this demon choir:
They agitate my fits.
No longer cold, I rein and hold
That image costly earned,
And banish it to some grim pit,
Surcease of what I yearned.
And soon, I pray, release shall come at last
For both, and verse like this shall be the past.
Author notes
So, I call this a weird sonnet because it sports four quatrains instead of the usual three, which are in iambic tetrameter rather than pentameter. The final couplet, however, is in pentameter, which will probably jar some of you who were so used to the rhythm established in the rest of the piece. If this does thus jar you, I apologize.
Also, there is internal rhyme in the first and third stanza of each quatrain, the effect of which I suppose would be to read this piece as a nursery rhyme, although the subject matter is hardly so innocent and charming.
Thanks!
- El Gio
Written November 11th, 2003
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I had to find out why it was a weird sonnet.
I'm learning about how writing within a form can bring out a much different feeling to my words (making them stay inside rather than letting them lazily drift near the lines).
This is great, I always admire the way you choose and fit words together.
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Well, if it doesn't fit the normal form of a sonnet, I would say it isn't really a sonnet, just something similar. But that's just me being picky. Whatever it is (
), I really, really like it. Your rhymes are excellent and the meter flows remarkably well. Just speaking style-wise, it's very well done, but your choice of words is also absolutely beautiful. What does bother me about this poem is the final couplet; I think it just doesn't end the poem very well, perhaps because of the sudden change in meter. It does leave the reader kind of unsettled by the sudden transition, however, which is an effect I think is particularly suited to this peice.
Anyway, I know a lot of people say this to each other on this site, but I actually mean it: you're extremely talented. Keep up the good work. -
You have an exquisite way with words. I can never seem to do a sonnet that's worth writing, so I normally trash all of mine. lol. This is 'weird' all right, because I thought sonnets only contained fourteen lines. Well, that's what happens when someone decides to flip the script and turn tradition on its head. This is dark, but lovely... somehow, for me, it has a connection to the Orpheus and Eurydice myth, and I don't know how I drew that conclusion (maybe it was the references to love and hell). Anyway, this is an excellent piece, full of images and overall, stunning.
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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Excellent
Darkly beautiful. The last stanza reminds me of some of Shakespeare's "asides"....a bit out of the general rhythm, meant to spell out for us the intent of a passage. While it does jar a bit from the earlier established rhyme scheme, it also gives the reader notice that this stanza holds essential info. As always, excellently done.
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