Drinking from a futile cup
Chasing vapor dreams
The fractured mirror of my life
Is far from what it seems
I’ve chased the wind, and sat with fools
In hopes that I would find
Some meaning in this hollow place
Illusive peace of mind
Somebody save me from myself
And take away this pain
Would you take this soul-less one
And make your loss my gain?
Hear me now I call to you
My heart is incomplete
Make my life your living proof
That you are all we need.
I am so weak, my heart so frail
I fall before I stand
And you always reach out to me
Why don’t I take your hand?
I choose the pain, I choose the hurt
A foolish heart, unwise
And you always remain the same
No tricks and no disguise.
Somebody save me from myself
And take away this pain
Would you take this soul-less one
And make your loss my gain?
Hear me now I call to you
My heart is incomplete
Make my life your living proof
That you are all we need.
Author notes
Believe it or not, this was written after what I thought was the love of my life, broke my heart. It reflected my feelings at the time as I was desperate to get over him and get on with my life.
A contest entry
- Enter Your Best , For Poets With No Trophies by Dutch Doll.
550 points, ended January 27, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Theme "Jesus" aka Based on Christ 2 by C.o.g..
1200 points, ended February 20, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love, Hate, Everything Else You Can Create (Prewrites Allowed) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended January 30, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I by N e a r.
2300 points, ended February 3, 2008, 220 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Gone Awry by SatanicTemptation09.
800 points, ended February 12, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All-time Best Rhyming Prewrites by TabbyCat.
600 points, ended September 23, 2008, 54 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
lovely work..immense meaning towrds pain and hope...
nice work poet!!!!!!
-
In my opinion this should be the winner
-
Although I do know who you are, this poem gets into the finalist's list on the merit of it's incredibly smooth flow and effortless rhyme. Nowhere did I feel forced to rhyme.
Not only that, but the truths this poem contains are worthy of notice. -
Well written poem.
-
Well done. The enitire poem was composed of good wording and good imagery. The flow of this poem was well created. There was not a time I perceived this to be choppy. Good emotional use and context. Overall, well done.
I especially liked:
I’ve chased the wind, and sat with fools
In hopes that I would find
Some meaning in this hollow place
Illusive peace of mind
Thank you for entering -
good write. i liked the flow and you already know i'm a fan of the rhyme, i'm going to go ahead and bookmark some of your other rhyming poems and give a good analyzes of them when i'm actually awake
-
This would make a good song. It's very emotional and true to its word. You've did a good job at expressing yourself. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for entering your write in A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
-
What a beautiful poem, I really feel it! I love how it rhymes and has a flowing rhythmn to it....this is very hard to do and I can tell you really felt the rhythmn when you wrote it. It is so hard going through a break up, and hope is the only thing there is to hold on to....wow....great poem.
-
Such a simple message but it must be kepti n mind. I should really hold onto hope a little more. Like most humans however, I seem to see more negativity in the world than positivity, but I do try and see differently.
-
He is all we need. This is a stunning poem - written right from your heart. Your prayer/poem has gone right to the throne room. I pray you will find all the answers you seek in our Lord Jesus Christ!
Thank you for this fine entry in our contest.
- joanne
-
your poem is abpsoluetly breath taking. It is a wonderful piece. But I suggest you change the first word from your last paragraph "somebody" to the one your trying to relate this poem to or present it to.
God bless!
-
This is a very beautiful write. I love the flow of it. The words are all so perfect I dont really know what to say.
Keep Up the Great Work
Brittany
-
Very beautiful, excellent flow, didn't seem forced at all,
thank you for entering my contest
Adriana
-
Charity Ann, thank you for stopping by and viewing my poem “The Preacher’s Song” I appreciate it very much, nice poem here, good flow, nice balance very good rhythm all make this a compelling poem.
blessings and best wishes, astralshepherd
~r.
-
wow
that was fantastic.
"I am so weak, my heart so frail
I fall before I stand
And you always reach out to me
Why don’t I take your hand?
I choose the pain, I choose the hurt
A foolish heart, unwise
And you always remain the same
No tricks and no disguise."
My favorite part.
-
The best I've read from you.
I love this one. It flows more smoothly than any other poem I've read from you. The rhymes seem natural, rather than forced. And how poignant! Full of truth and an enjoyable read. A great title might be "Living Proof."
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
