Perfect, perfect, everything must be perfect.
Pare the skin, smooth the nails.
Nothing effeminate about it,
Just a need for all to be ...
Perfect.
She smiles as I approach and I see the pulse beneath alabaster skin.
She lifts her chin, lips parted as I bend over her.
Our mouths find each other,
My fingers find her neck.
Such perfect stillness, a moment frozen in time.
I press and she gasps as I swallow her sweet surprised breath.
My tongue darts as she opens her mouth wider.
Her slight form dependent upon my support.
Delicate fingers interlace with mine, urging me on.
Slim white digits drum against my wrists.
Back arched, her centre presses against me.
Movements becoming languid.
Relentlessly I apply the pressure.
It is I who is in control, she who has surrendered all.
She jerks, her eyes wide open, pupils dilated.
And, finally, I release.
Greedily she gulps at the air.
All the while she is shaking, her centre drowning in the proof of our passion.
I let her fall backwards and she lies, spent, overcome by the little death.
Ten red finger marks adorn her ashen skin.
Perfect ...
Author notes
1) This is a contest poem in which I was given the following task ... “Tattboy, you are the champion from season 3. Your task is to write an OBSSESIVE erotic poem about HANDS. Stipulation ... you can not mention hands or obsession in your poem.”
2) All of the contestants are season winners and so have a lot to recommend them. I think that it could be seen as quite arbitrary who wins now, many have not written “against” each other and; even if they have, the ultimate winner will probably be a matter of taste. However, I have been asked why I should be appointed the grand champion, so here goes ...
The season in which I participated was very varied and I used the opportunity to stretch myself. I never went for the easy option and tried to not only write good erotic poetry or prose, but also to challenge the reader to think, to sometimes make things ambiguous and make the reader work a bit (as that is what I look for in a writer). Also, I was able to write from different points of view, I know that I sometimes surprised members here who thought that they knew how I write.
Whoever wins, I am sure it will be richly deserved and the other three could also have been crowned.
3) At the time of posting I only have one of my three fellows to grade. I will try and come back to grade the others (although I am in Lesotho and can’t guarantee getting online).
Arkbear – Jupiter Lashes (ATTRACTION to EYES)
This is a very literary poem that shows the consummate skill of the author.
Meeting the task 18
(I felt that, while there was a lot of stunning imagery about eyes, that this was more the attraction to the person as a whole, so 2 dropped points).
Spelling and punctuation 19
(one rogue apostrophe, so one dropped point – I have been accused of being obsessive in the past …)
Enjoyment/Literary Merit 20
Overall 57/60 (95%)
Desire - Residual Persuasion (SEDUCTIVE erotic poem about LIPS)
Meeting the task 20
This was definitely full of seductive labial language.
Spelling and punctuation 19
(One typo/spelling mistake, so one dropped point …)
Enjoyment/Literary Merit 17
While many of the phrases were wonderful individually, I personally struggled a bit with the flow of this piece. It did not grab me immediately, needing a number of readings for me to see how all the pieces fitted together.
Overall 56/60 (93%)
In a list
A contest entry
- The Erotic Challenge Grand Champion (Seasons 1-4) by Master Ktulu.
600 points, ended January 24, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Absolutely beautiful. I have no words to describe it. Thank you for such an amazing piece of poetry.
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Very vivid. It is truly beautiful.
Congrats on the gold.
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Dang ~
A spell-bounding approach to your Topic, indeed ~
You visions are carried off to my slumber, as I lay back and enjoy the portrait of satisfaction behind your quills talents ~
I did not need two reads to get the jest of this entry.....as you have certainly prepared quite the senario for your Readers to grasp without raising a finger ~
I was honored to win the last Challenge.....and I would highly reccomend (sp) Gold for this entry ~
I think the only thing I would critique about this entry, is the repeating of the word *fingers* , as I believe there are many more words to choose from......( fists clinched....nuckles strained.....promise of vows empowering....etc...........and this line...>> *And, finally, I release.*....just feels as though the Flow went abstract...and this..>>>*and she lies*.....which personally, I believe it should be, *lays* ~
Other than that....Bravo!
The best to you and your entry,
Bear ~
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Thank you VERY much, for both the praise and for such thought out and specific comments.
With respect to your comments ...
I can see your point about the repetition of the word fingers, although I did actually mean it. For me, I used the repetition to try and subtly (I hope!) increase the feeling of obsession.
"And, finally, I release." was supposed to be one of those ambiguous lines. Is it just that I release my hands from around her neck, or is there also a release of a sexual sort for me?
and she lies*.....which personally, I believe it should be, *lays* ~
Here is what the British Council has to say
The verbs lie and lay are commonly confused. This is not because of the meaning of the verbs, but because of the way they are conjugated. Firstly, we will look at the meaning of the verbs:
The verb lie has two completely different meanings:
1) Lie: to be in or move into an esp. horizontal position on a surface:
* The mechanic was lying on his back underneath my car.
* The cat just loves to lie in front of the fire.
* She lay back in the dentist's chair and tried to relax.
* Lie still a moment, John.
* He lies awake at night, worrying.
* He lay down on the bed and cried.
* I usually lie down (=rest/sleep) for an hour after lunch.
* Snow lay thickly over the fields.
The verb lay means to put (something) in esp. a flat or horizontal position, usually carefully or for a particular purpose:
* She laid the baby (down) in its cot.
* I'll lay your coats on the bed upstairs.
* Perhaps we should lay paper over the floor while we're decorating the room.
* She laid aside her book and went to answer the phone.
* The dog laid its ears back (=put them flat against its head) and howled.
* He laid down his knife and fork, saying he couldn't possibly eat any more.
* Lay the rug flat on the ground.
* There will be some disruption for the next few weeks while contractors lay a new cable/sewer.
* We're having a new carpet laid in the hall next week.
* They've been laying bricks (=making a wall with bricks) for two weeks and the first floor is already finished.
So, in saying "and she lies, spent" I am referring to what SHE does i.e. she is lying there spent (similar to the British Council's "He lies awake" example). If I had been writing in the third person I may have written something like "HE lays her down down on the bed where SHE lies spent." (If I really wanted to have a tortured sentence!)
Thanks again!
D
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Beautiful write you have penned here. Lots of passion expressed. The passion also seemed to build up with each line. Must have been a challenge to not say the word hands in the poem, though. Best of luck in the contest.
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Magnificent!!
Wonderful weaving of words and You were given a task about hands but also with obsession which You tackled.
My tongue darts as she opens her mouth wider.
Her slight form dependent upon my support.
Delicate fingers interlace with mine, urging me on.
Now that is some obsession~~
I kept seeing that scene from X-Files...
Irresistible...
where the man was obsessed with nails...
parts of the body...
Loved it!
Now I don't know how the scoring is being processed for this contest...
but I give You a thumbs up
If I am able to see the images-feel the energy
and it grabs me...then I'm a Happy camper
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Voice!
Keep that quill dancing Sweet Soul!!
Best wishes to You in the contest
Many blessings too
and much love~Desire~*~
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I'm poorer for not reading your work more often
Hi Tatt!
What a beautiful poem! Your poetry has really evolved over the last couple of years!
This poem captures a perfect moment and everything is so subtly hinted at. From the second line hinting at perfectly clipped and manicure fingernails to the second last line with the red fingerprints left on skin! Beautiful!
The picture accompanying the poem is perfect too!
I like the usage of the clichéd "little death" especially since this scene sits so close to the edge of a potential real death!
Well done Tatt
A joy to read!
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Now that is one grand poem.
Perfect in title and the way you
have carried the obsession of hands
without writing either word.
*nods head*
Riftkin
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Yayyyy, finally a new piece by one of my favorites. This was fantastic, as always. I love your work. I will be watching the results, because as you say, it is a matter of personal taste. Great thing you show up on my favorites list every day!
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Perfect
You have entitled this piece correctly......Perfect!
I see no need for improvement, nothing that needs to be fixed, changed or altered. As you have done with my season 3 challenge, you have taken the challenge laid before you and surpassed any and all expectations.
My friend, this was enjoyed and well done..
**Master Ktulu** -
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Thank you for the Gold.
I really enjoyed this challenge
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Well where do I begin lol?
This sight has so much talented pieces of work and authors like you prove that. Filled with tuns of emotions, lust, with a splash of darkness, this poem flourishes in it's genre because it is written quite lovely. The vocabulary usage all in all is what makes this poem "Perfect" to me.
Excellent job, best of luck in the contest. I really hope you win. -
EXCEPTIONAL! You have managed to write a piece that shows the obssesive behaviour regarding hands and You have done it erotically
Is there nothing You CAN'T do?!
Forever Yours,
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Thank you My pet.
I like challenges and I like stretching Myself. Under those circumstances most things are possible!
YLM
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