unfinished

Awoken in the night
to memories I tried to forget
A start, a shudder down my spine
They all think I'm fine
I just don't have the words,
I just don't have the time
Now no one will know
except him, me and my mind
Crying and hurting
Held down, that pressure on my hips
bones aching, pain cannot be mistaken
those fingers wrapped around my neck
and the feel of leather on my skin
Wrists forced together and a scream no one could hear
Somebody saying I had nothing to fear
In the dark there, losing so much
I took such a fall that night
As I watched youth and trust die
pleading in vain, safety's too hard to come by
Trapped and suffocating in my own skin
too much touching, too much feeling, you said you would win
screaming and crying
too much to lose and your fingers wrapped around
Inside me and I'm defeated
You won't let me forget
Pain pounding through my body and shaking in tears
You wouldn't stop, I wouldn't tell
You walk away fine, my burden to carry
You cursed me with silence
and a weight too heavy
The sting on my skin as you let me free
Raw on my mouth and the taste of blood
A heavy head, heavier heart

In that cold white room
she asked of me
the bruises, I said, are usual you see
I could not speak of the wound I now carried inside of me
She knew, she said, skin doesn't lie
You'd been there and they said the word
Don't tell I said
I cannot explain, never do I want to hear those words
It wasn't me, say it was another girl
Or a nightmare
Anything but true